Borrowed Time

I made a poem years ago circa 2003, but before we get to that allow me to explain the history of this infamous poem. You see, I was in love OR I deluded myself that I was "in love" with this person (who will forever be nameless). Hmm... I had an idiotic crush on him when I was 10 and it ballooned into something akin to obsession (Crazy, I know). Anyway this dude was in love with somebody else - or at least one of his flavor of the month type girls (OUCH) hence the emotional outpouring of pain via poetry- my one true outlet other than just writing. So, the poem that I created was a projection of my feelings for him, this poem is sort of a "What if" scenario. What if we had this strange Freaky Friday moment and we switched bodies or something like that- and I became the guy who was in love with the girl who happened to be in love with someone else... what would I feel????

She smiles at me
"It's rude to stare" I tell myself.
It hit me one day, this crazy feeling was something else.
We call each other friends, but deep inside I knew,
Each time I looked at her, I thought:
"I'm in love with you"
It hit me, this crazy feeling, and I was at a loss,
It was strange, how it happened,
"This is crazy" I thought.
It seemed so natural, how she won over my heart, but then,
Dare I admit it, I was a goner right from the start.
Her laugh bewitches me, what a beautiful sound,
That melodious symphony echoes in my head whenever she's not around.
Her eyes like to stars that twinkle when she smiles,
Sweet yet strangely alluring,
This is crazy, this can't be happening...
SIGH
I can't seem to escape her, even as I close my eyes at night,
There she is in my dreams... This is not right.
She looks at me wondering what is on my mind,
Dare I tell her how I feel?
Or should I prudently keep it inside?
She laughs, and it is my undoing,
I can't pretend that I don't want to grab her and silence the merry sound with a kiss,
Who am I foooling? I look into her beautiful eyes and think: "I can't go on like this".
God help me this is wrong, she doesn't seem to have a clue.
I look at her and think:
"I'm in love with you"
She has me under her spell, and she doesn't even know,
I can't tell her how I feel,
Why does this feeling torment me so?
I can't be the one who gets to kiss her,
What sheer pain,
I have to stop this, it's driving me insane.
I'm only with her on borrowed time, and every time I am with her
My treacherous heart commits the most heinous crimes.
I remind myself that I should not think that she feels the same,
Oh why, oh why can't this feeling be tamed?
"Snap out of it man! - Run while you still can" my mind says.
"Whatever for?" I ask,
It answers, "She's not yours"
Aahh my heart lurches at that very fact,
I may love her, but will she ever love me back?
SIGH
Her smiles? not mine, her laugh? not mine
her kisses, not mine,
The girl? Definitely not mine.
I long to tell her how I feel, but I don't have that right...
God, how I envy him...
The lucky guy who gets to call her "mine"