Living Vicariously - Savannah Roughing it in Africa: Birthday Cakes & Mating Calls

Zawadi ni zawadi, usichoke kupokea

(A gift is a gift, don't get tired of receiving)


Jamba People!


Wasn’t the reunion between Maddy and Sav just divine? I know you had to break out some Kleenex for that one, or perhaps you busted an artery or some internal organs from laughing so hard from Maddy’s attempt at seducing Ajali? It seems he has decided to become a reformed individual when it came to collecting furry couture – Gasp! Could it be? Our Maddy has given up his rather life-threatening vice? By life-threatening, I mean, he’s a threat to the lives of innocent animals. All right, enough teasing. As you recall we left our last tale hanging, with Maddy slipping out of camp. You might think the appropriate question for that dear readers is: Why, why did Maddy sneak out? However, the proper query is: What, what is that mischievous devil up to?

Brace yourselves people, the content of this tale is not for impressionable readers. I might scar you for life. I can’t promise you that this will completely be PG. You’ve been warned.

With that said,

Hongera! or Heri ya Siku kuu Maddox Keynes!

Translation: Happy Birthday Maddox Keynes.

That’s right it was Maddox Keyne’s birthday and interestingly enough, Sav was having a rather graphic dream. Would any one care to venture a guess? Oh yeah! The dream was wildly erotic.

Strange though, as she was thrashing about on her little bed, a little voice in her head wondered: if this is a sex dream about me– why am I hearing animalistic sounds?

At that, Sav’s eyes opened. She then became aware of two things. One, she wasn’t dreaming. Two, she was hearing noises in the bush, which conveniently was very close to her tent as well as Maddy’s tent.

Sav (looking at Tybalt, who was staring at the direction where the noise was coming from): What in the world is that Tybs?

The tiny simian started jumping in response.

Sav: SsHHHhhhh… let’s go check it out.

Knowing very well that her father and Ajali often left camp early in the morning to go trekking or to secure some supplies, Sav decided not to sit around like a distressed damsel, and slowly emerged from the tent to investigate the odd sounds. She walked cautiously and approached Maddox’s tent, hoping the sleeping fairy was up and would volunteer to be her partner or perhaps pose as useful bait just in case there were animals hiding in the bush.

Sav: Maddy? Maddy? I think I hear some animals mating in the bush or something… (opening his tent) Mad???

The bed had no tell-tale trace that her fab best bud even slept there. With the anxiety mounting, Sav had the most disturbing thought that her pal was dragged out of the tent by some wild beast. Running swiftly to extract her Dad’s baseball bats from the Comvee, Sav (with Tybalt on her shoulder) ventured off into the bush.

Behind her tent was a tree surrounded by a thick cluster of thorny vegetation. She carefully waded in following the odd sounds. As she slowly approached the source of the sounds, paranoid thoughts entered her mind. What if it’s pride of lions and it has decided to eat Mad for breakfast? What am I going to tell Mad’s Dad? Is this the animal’s revenge against Maddy’s support for the fur industry? Those absurd and sometimes insane thought flitted in and out of Sav’s mind. While this was happening Tybalt decided to make matters worse by bolting to the direction of the sound.

Sav: Tybalt no!!!!!

She ran, and as she got closer and closer to the sounds, she noticed a human quality to it, which vaguely resembled grunting, no, panting, and… she stopped. The sounds were very clear to her now, a voice from the back of her mind was telling her to stop and walk away, alarm bells were ringing, and common sense told her to walk no further, but as she took another step her foot landed on a few articles of clothing… This got her curious. She bent down and picked up a discarded Hermes scarf, then it hit her. This is Maddy’s clothes!!!!!

OH NO, she thought, and at the same time she heard Mad distinctively yell “OH YES”

Every nerve ending in Sav’s body was zapped as she took one final step and the sight that beheld her will most probably be burned at the back of her skull. The fabulous, the glorious, the stupendous Maddox Keynes (her bff since they were teens) was fabulously, gloriously, and stupendously naked. Naked as the day he was born – which wasn’t so bad, he was her best bud after all. What made it rather mortifying was the added presence of another naked male who had his arms wrapped around Maddy, and they were… well, let’s just say you can’t blame Sav for thinking that the sounds she heard was the mating noises of wild animals, because the dude was making Maddy roar like a lion.

Savvy, visibly shocked at the sight of her friend doing the horizontal mambo, prudently thought to excuse herself when Tybalt who climbed up the tree decided at that moment to fall on top of her face. Not aware that it was Tybalt, Sav immediately assumed that a wild animal was attacking her. This caused her to scream and run forward bumping into the two rather sweaty individuals. Quick question: Do you recall Savvy taking a baseball bat with her? Well, as she landed on the ground, the bat conveniently caused her to take a nap.

It was pitch black and somewhere Savvy could hear Maddy talking.

Mad: Oh my gosh she’s dead. We’ve killed my best bud.

Male voice: At least her parting image of you was very memorable.

Mad (smacking the person next to him): Not funny Migs…

Ajali: What in the world was she carrying a bat for?

Omarion: Were you thinking of playing baseball Maddox?

Male voice (Migs): Something like that…

Mad: (smacking Migs again) Not now! OH Savvy! Honey…. Savvy????

Sav’s eyes opened. She was lying on top of a bed flanked by 4 male faces.

Mad: Oh Savvy!!!! You’re alive. (Picking her up and hugging her fiercely).

Sav: Ouch! Easy Mad….

Mad: Sorry, God honey! You gave us such a fright.

Omarion: Yeah. Seeing Maddox’s friend carrying you unconscious into camp almost made me lose it kid.

Ajali: Which brings us to the question, what exactly happened out there?

Mad: Well….I ah….

Sav: You see Ajali, I was awakened by this strange noise coming from the bushes. I thought I heard some umm… wild animals, and when I checked Mad’s tent, I noticed that he wasn’t there and I got worried.

While this whole explanation went on, Sav prudently kept her eyes off of Mad and his friend whose faces resembled two ripe red apples.

Ajali: So you thought to bring a baseball bat into the bush, in search of your friend who was supposedly dragged by a lion?

Sav: (tried to nod, but winced) Uh… yeah.

Ajali: Savannah you know very well that lions do not behave that way, and another thing (turning to Mad) where did you sneak off to?

Mad: Well I umm…

Migs: I wanted to surprise him, so, I called him and as you can see there’s my jeep parked over there (pointed to a jeep parked way off of the camp site). I’ve been staying at the lodge for over a week, when I heard that Maddox was coming here to Africa, I decided to meet up with him.

Sav: And you are?

Mad: Savvy! I’m sooo sorry, I really needed to keep you up to speed with my uh err… business. This is Miguel Matthew Mattisson… my…

Omarion: How are you related to Marcus Mattisson?

Miguel: He’s my father

Omarion: Small world. I used to work for his lawfirm. Well Ajali, seems Sav’s okay. What’d you say we grill us up some lunch?

Off they went, leaving Sav with her best bud and his new boy toy.

Miguel (taking Savvy’s hand): It’s nice to finally meet you Sav, Madzy loves to talk about you. I wish we met during more customary circumstances.

Sav: Yes, I will never forget that first meeting, it was… interesting. It’s also interesting that ah… Madzy has not spoken to me about you.

Mad: It’s a looong story Savvy, Migs and I met in New York and well we just hit it off. He’s a world-class traveler and at the moment he is exploring this very continent.

Sav: How very convenient, is that why you suddenly flew from the big apple to Africa?

Mad: Now Sav, you know that I missed you too.

Sav: Right, (muttering under her breath) you just wanted a hotdog in the jungle.

Mad (hearing her): Savvy!!!!! My gosh! You----

Suddenly Omarion and Ajali came and started to sing Happy Birthday. Sav gave Mad a hug and ran off to her tent. When she emerged, she held a beautifully wrapped present.

Sav: Happy Birthday Maddy.

Mad: Awww…. I can’t believe you guys.

Sav: We planned a more elaborate surprise, but well, I got knocked out and all.

Mad (hugging her): you’re the best Savvy.

Miguel: Blow out your candles and make a wish.

Sav: I think he got his wish already.

Mad giggled in delight and smacked his friend, then blew out his candles. Every one took a piece of African Ginger Cake and toasted the birthday boy. Music was played and a great deal of merriment ensued.

Ajali: To usher in another year for you, and to introduce a rather weird African delicacy (takes the cover from a bowl revealing large grubs) take one and enjoy.

Mad (eyeing the worms then turned to Sav): Do I have to? I really don’t big gross worms in my mouth.

Sav (muttering under her breath): oh yes you do…

Miguel: It’s not so much a worm, as it is a snake.

Mad: Sav!!!! Miguel!!!

Sav: Oh relax Mad! I have every right to poke fun at you, after you fried my eyes with your… your…

Miguel: Recreational activities in the bush?

Sav: Yes, thank you Miguel. That, my friend, gives me the indefinite right to tease you. (turning to Miguel) bravo by the way.

Miguel (winking at Savvy): Why thank you.

Sav: Just keep it down tonight k? You wouldn’t want to wake the wild animals with your passionate symphony.

Mad: Oh Honey… can’t say that I’m sorry that you saw that. Least you get to see some action, since you barely get any on your own.

Now it was Sav’s turn to smack him.

Sav: Oh shut it immoral person

Mad: You shut it pseudo-virginal chit

Sav: Hag

Mad: Brat

Sav: Love you Honey

Mad: Love you too dear.

And so, the party went on until the skies dimmed. They dined on several exotic delicacies, which Ajali introduced one by one. Sav made wise cracking innuendos that made Mad blush furiously. Presents were opened, none of which were animal fur. There was drinking, dancing, and a great deal of laughter.

After saying their goodnights, Savvy went to bed and cranked up the volume on her iPOD. Maddy and Miguel made some music of their own.

Can you feel the love tonight?

I bet you do!

Happy Birthday you naughty devil.

TTFN

Living Vicariously - Savannah Roughing it in Africa: The Reunion

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

Greetings All,

With Toto singing in the background, let's keep you up to speed with dear old Sav Red, shall we? Yes it's true Savannah Red has her own story. I hear the collective sounds
of dismay emanating from the crowd. I know you'll miss the DD adventures, but hey, Sav and Mad need to have their separate adventures. The DD have conquered the world of VN together, they're a rather potent duo; whose presence should be enjoyed bit by bit lest you become overwhelmed by their sheer awesomeness. Imagine the chaos they would unleash
on the lovely continent of Africa? Or better yet, imagine Maddy collecting new fur coats and possibly new bags from all the animals running around the place? You wouldn't leave a baby with a known pedophile right? My point exactly, Maddox Keynes can't be left around possible sources of bags and outfits without supervision (seriously). Peta has already placed dear Maddy on their "Must douse with red paint" list. Not good.
Anyhoo, like I said, Savannah Red has her own adventures now (but be vigilant people, Maddy might show up).
Okay, quick re-cap: SR landed in the lovely plains of the Serengeti, and was greeted by a furry welcoming present (care of Daddy Omarion Red) - a Capuchin Monkey. Sav did some big time bonding with the tiny simianwhom she has named Tybalt. Tybalt enjoys grooming her or pulling her hair (depends on his mood really) tsk tsk where is a good Salon in African wilderness when you need one?
Oh yeah, Savvy really can jest at scars (or a soon to be bald scalp) and she's feeling all the wounds people. Thanks to Tybalt, you'll be hearing Sav screaming from the African plains "Romeo Romeo where for art thou Romeo?" or something like "I deny my father for giving me a monkey!"

On a much lighter note, we did get to meet our hunky Italian/African guide: Ajali Mahiri. Ajali is an African name, which means "faithful". It is also of note that Mad has set his sights on Ajali. This is going to be interesting..

Alrighty, enough theatrics for the day. On to our tale.

Savannah Red was slowly drifting to sleep, perched on their Comvee ( then she heard a voice calling her name). Now being in the middle of no-where, it wasn't an uncommon experiece to hear odd sounds, but this one definitely made the wildlife stop and listen. Tybalt, upon hearing the sound, stood up on Sav's tummy and started jumping.

Sav (eyes closed): What is it Tybz? I have seen the Gazelle's grazing, there are no lions around. Big whoop. Shut it will you?

Tybalt's noice didn't cease, which prompted Sav to open her eyes and sit up.

Sav: What is it you annoying little-

What she saw made her doubt her vision. From the distance she could see Maddox Keynes jumping and calling her name.

Maddox: Sav....Savvy!!!!

Sav (Rubbing her eyes): Mad????

Maddox (Laughing): Sav!!!! Get your butt down here.

Sav ran down to meet Maddox. Clad in an all white safari type outfit with big brown chunky boots, Maddox Keynes was a sight to behold. When Sav finally reached him, she had to doubt her vision again.

Sav: Mad where's your luggage?
Mad (turning): Right here dear (pointing to his backpack).

He then extracts an insect repellent spray bottle from his bag and starts spraying the area.

Mad: Man this place is riddled with bugs. Least I packed light with just enough supplies.
Sav: Okay Mr. Boyscout, who are you and what have you done to my Maddy?
Mad (chuckling): Dearest Savvy, I travelled a gazillion miles to get here and you're criticizing me on my lack of carry-on? tsk tsk.
Sav (hugged him, then touched his forehead): You're not sick are you? I've heard it's the peak season for Dengue fever.
Mad (taking a good look at his best bud): You should talk. Wow one month in Africa does this to you huh?
Sav: Does what?
Mad: Sav, when was the last time you took a shower?
Sav: This morning?
Mad: OH... AH well.. you look positively.....GAHHHHH
Sav (chuckling): Mad meet Tybalt, Tybalt get off him...

After a rather long and odd debate with Mad on the need to bathe frequently, perhaps every 10 minutes if necessary. Sav was outside in a wooden tub filled to the rim with bath salts and bubbles. Maddy was beside her rubbing shampoo on her head, while Tybalt was perched on his shoulder.

Mad: See isn't this nice Sav? A bath in the great outdoors.
Sav (eyes closed): Yeah. I've lived without these luxuries for a month. Father dear refuses to rejoin society and wishes to live the simple life in the African wilderness. It's actually a novel experiece, and I've warmed up to it.
Mad: A simple life with a working toilet would be nice.
Sav: The Comvee has a toilet and a shower mad.
Mad: Yes, but you can't do a No. 2 in there. Where exactly do you do that?
Sav: In the bushes?
Mad (aghast): and have a Lion take a bite off my shapely derriere??? I'd rather keep it in thank you.
Sav: (chuckling) suit yourself Mad. You'll die if you don't let it out you know? Sheesh...this is Africa Mad, you have to adapt. I did... sort of.
Mad: Yes, and I came bearing gifts from the land of New York. Before I came here you savage girl - your nails were caked with dirt, you smelled like a monkey, and your hair looked like a bird's nest. It's a crime honey to let yourself go.
Sav: I don't think I'll be going to any big soiree anytime soon Mad. Who am I going to dress up for? Tybalt?
Mad: Oh I can think of somebody...

And at that very moment Ajali entered the camp carrying an armload of wood, upon seeing Sav in the tub; he promptly dropped them. Consequently a couple logs landed on his foot. Sav lowers herself more in the tub, while Mad eyed Ajali like a fascinated Lion eyeing his meal for the day. Tybalt is screeching the whole time.

Ajali: Yoooooow... (jumping then rubbing his left foot)
Sav: Ajali you weren't supposed to be back till sundown. Where's my Dad?
Ajali (averting his eyes): He's taking pictures of the Giraffes 10 miles from here. I'm sorry, I didn't know that you have taken it upon yourself to build a spa in here. I'll go behind the Comvee, why don't you get dressed.

Minutes later Sav emerges from the comvee in a green dress (upon Mad's insistence). She plops herself on the lawn chairs that they placed outside. Mad with Tybalt still on his shoulder, plants himself beside Sav.

Ajali (eyes closed): Are you decent?

Before Sav could answer him, Mad speaks for her.

Mad: Well, I've been known to be downright raunchy, but yes, I can be decent.
Sav (rolling her eyes): Ajali I'd like you to meet my best bud Maddox Keyes. (turning to Mad). Mad, this is Ajali Mahiri, he's a Zoologist. And-
Mad (taking Ajali's hand): That documentary that you did for Nat Geo was inspired. Enchante.
Ajali: Oh... ah thank you. Nice to meet you Maddox.
Mad: Please call me Maddy.
Ajali: Alright, so Maddy, what brings you to the Serengeti?
Mad: I heard the beasts that roam the plains are amazing (eyeing Ajali appreciatively, then Sav nudges him)
Ow... Oh, and I came here for my Savvy. Poor dear looked like a hobo.
Sav: I'm not deaf Mad.
Mad (chuckles): So, Ajali tell me about yourself...

After what seemed like lightyears, Mad compiled enough information about Ajali. Those very moments felt like the Spanish inquisition, much to Savvy's chagrin, but Ajali answered every question good-naturedly. He then suggested to give Maddox a tour around the area. Maddox took a lot of pictures, none of which contained images of the area, but of their enthusiastic guide instead. Sav had to stifle the urge to giggle and roll her eyes. She was extremely happy to have her best bud with her. Lord knows a month in Africa with two males and a monkey can turn any self respecting female into a - well, a dude. Maddox was chattering animatedly with Ajali and Sav followed them quietly with Tybalt working out whatever "bugs" he thought she had in her hair.

As Sav stared at her best bud, and couldn't help but wonder how much her life has changed. Sure, she and Maddy were inseparable, but the long distance chats they had daily; could not really make up for their constant togetherness the year before. She was definitely proud of her fab friend for working extremely hard for his father's upcoming world tour, and she hoped that he would find his true heart's calling and possibly a stable boyfriend, but knowing Maddy, he was just content to bask in a candy store of men before he relinquishes his sweet tooth.

Sav could hear Ajali talking about the Serengeti National Park.

Ajali: People are not allowed to stay in this area actually, only some Zoologists doing research and other special cases. Back in the day the British did some damage by hunting a lot of game, this park is now protected...
Mad (not hearing a word he said): Oh yeah fascinating, so tell me Ajali do you plan on going back to the states after O Red gets his fill of wild animals and grasslands?
Ajali (looks at Savvy): Didn't you tell your friend that your Father plans to live here?
Mad: (turns to Savvy): Sav your Dad wants to plant roots here? In Africa?
Sav: Yeah, sorry, I was going to tell you. Dad's enjoying the life here. Can't blame him, it's a hell of a lot better than his old life....
Mad: But how about you sweetie, are you planning on staying here forever?
Sav: Sort of. Actually Mad, I'm going back to civilization soon. I just accepted a job offer and my little vacation here will be over in a month or so.
Mad: Well, well, look at you Savvy conquering the world. Africa has really done something interesting for you. I should stay here longer and see if I pick something up that might give me a boost.

Mad then takes out his trusty insect repellent and starts spraying. Spray, Spray, Spray.

Mad: Goodness what is it with all the bugs....
Ajali: Take it easy on that kid.. don't want to poison the air.
Mad: It's not harmful to animals FYI. I may be cruel to bugs, but not to animals.
Sav (muttering under her breath): Only if they can become a coat or a bag.
Mad (nudging Savvy, then whispers): SHHHHHH Ajali just informed me that he's one of those people for the ethical treatment of animals thingy.
Sav (whispering back): It's called PETA Mad, you know my Mom's into that too. I guess you should hide your tortoise shell sunglasses then huh?
Mad: Oh my... (taking off his glasses and shoving it into his bag). You think he noticed?
Sav: I don't think so, and I don't think he's an active member. If he was, he'd know that your picture is always on page 6 AND you're always wearing something that used to be alive.

Appropriately, Tybalt started to fidget.

Mad: He doesn't have to know that... (looking at Tybalt) don't worry about your furry little butt. I'm not interested in making you my handbag.
Sav (laughing): See mad, you really should go cold turkey on the wildlife couture.
Mad: Yeah yeah. Send me to rehab.

Spray, Spray, Spray...

When they reached camp, Omarion already had a roaring fire ready as well as their dinner- and right beside Savvy's tent was a mountain of luggage, all of which had tags bearing the initials "MK" on them.

Savvy turned to Mad and quirked a brow at him, and he smiled sheepishly.

Mad: This is Africa darling.... I need several outfit changes.

That night, after everybody fell asleep. Maddox was seen seeking out of his tent. Is our raunchy rascal up for trouble?

Hmm... You'll know soon enough.

Hush my darling don't fear my darling the lion sleeps tonight.

TTFN