Living Vicariously - Savannah Roughing it in Africa: Birthday Cakes & Mating Calls

Zawadi ni zawadi, usichoke kupokea

(A gift is a gift, don't get tired of receiving)


Jamba People!


Wasn’t the reunion between Maddy and Sav just divine? I know you had to break out some Kleenex for that one, or perhaps you busted an artery or some internal organs from laughing so hard from Maddy’s attempt at seducing Ajali? It seems he has decided to become a reformed individual when it came to collecting furry couture – Gasp! Could it be? Our Maddy has given up his rather life-threatening vice? By life-threatening, I mean, he’s a threat to the lives of innocent animals. All right, enough teasing. As you recall we left our last tale hanging, with Maddy slipping out of camp. You might think the appropriate question for that dear readers is: Why, why did Maddy sneak out? However, the proper query is: What, what is that mischievous devil up to?

Brace yourselves people, the content of this tale is not for impressionable readers. I might scar you for life. I can’t promise you that this will completely be PG. You’ve been warned.

With that said,

Hongera! or Heri ya Siku kuu Maddox Keynes!

Translation: Happy Birthday Maddox Keynes.

That’s right it was Maddox Keyne’s birthday and interestingly enough, Sav was having a rather graphic dream. Would any one care to venture a guess? Oh yeah! The dream was wildly erotic.

Strange though, as she was thrashing about on her little bed, a little voice in her head wondered: if this is a sex dream about me– why am I hearing animalistic sounds?

At that, Sav’s eyes opened. She then became aware of two things. One, she wasn’t dreaming. Two, she was hearing noises in the bush, which conveniently was very close to her tent as well as Maddy’s tent.

Sav (looking at Tybalt, who was staring at the direction where the noise was coming from): What in the world is that Tybs?

The tiny simian started jumping in response.

Sav: SsHHHhhhh… let’s go check it out.

Knowing very well that her father and Ajali often left camp early in the morning to go trekking or to secure some supplies, Sav decided not to sit around like a distressed damsel, and slowly emerged from the tent to investigate the odd sounds. She walked cautiously and approached Maddox’s tent, hoping the sleeping fairy was up and would volunteer to be her partner or perhaps pose as useful bait just in case there were animals hiding in the bush.

Sav: Maddy? Maddy? I think I hear some animals mating in the bush or something… (opening his tent) Mad???

The bed had no tell-tale trace that her fab best bud even slept there. With the anxiety mounting, Sav had the most disturbing thought that her pal was dragged out of the tent by some wild beast. Running swiftly to extract her Dad’s baseball bats from the Comvee, Sav (with Tybalt on her shoulder) ventured off into the bush.

Behind her tent was a tree surrounded by a thick cluster of thorny vegetation. She carefully waded in following the odd sounds. As she slowly approached the source of the sounds, paranoid thoughts entered her mind. What if it’s pride of lions and it has decided to eat Mad for breakfast? What am I going to tell Mad’s Dad? Is this the animal’s revenge against Maddy’s support for the fur industry? Those absurd and sometimes insane thought flitted in and out of Sav’s mind. While this was happening Tybalt decided to make matters worse by bolting to the direction of the sound.

Sav: Tybalt no!!!!!

She ran, and as she got closer and closer to the sounds, she noticed a human quality to it, which vaguely resembled grunting, no, panting, and… she stopped. The sounds were very clear to her now, a voice from the back of her mind was telling her to stop and walk away, alarm bells were ringing, and common sense told her to walk no further, but as she took another step her foot landed on a few articles of clothing… This got her curious. She bent down and picked up a discarded Hermes scarf, then it hit her. This is Maddy’s clothes!!!!!

OH NO, she thought, and at the same time she heard Mad distinctively yell “OH YES”

Every nerve ending in Sav’s body was zapped as she took one final step and the sight that beheld her will most probably be burned at the back of her skull. The fabulous, the glorious, the stupendous Maddox Keynes (her bff since they were teens) was fabulously, gloriously, and stupendously naked. Naked as the day he was born – which wasn’t so bad, he was her best bud after all. What made it rather mortifying was the added presence of another naked male who had his arms wrapped around Maddy, and they were… well, let’s just say you can’t blame Sav for thinking that the sounds she heard was the mating noises of wild animals, because the dude was making Maddy roar like a lion.

Savvy, visibly shocked at the sight of her friend doing the horizontal mambo, prudently thought to excuse herself when Tybalt who climbed up the tree decided at that moment to fall on top of her face. Not aware that it was Tybalt, Sav immediately assumed that a wild animal was attacking her. This caused her to scream and run forward bumping into the two rather sweaty individuals. Quick question: Do you recall Savvy taking a baseball bat with her? Well, as she landed on the ground, the bat conveniently caused her to take a nap.

It was pitch black and somewhere Savvy could hear Maddy talking.

Mad: Oh my gosh she’s dead. We’ve killed my best bud.

Male voice: At least her parting image of you was very memorable.

Mad (smacking the person next to him): Not funny Migs…

Ajali: What in the world was she carrying a bat for?

Omarion: Were you thinking of playing baseball Maddox?

Male voice (Migs): Something like that…

Mad: (smacking Migs again) Not now! OH Savvy! Honey…. Savvy????

Sav’s eyes opened. She was lying on top of a bed flanked by 4 male faces.

Mad: Oh Savvy!!!! You’re alive. (Picking her up and hugging her fiercely).

Sav: Ouch! Easy Mad….

Mad: Sorry, God honey! You gave us such a fright.

Omarion: Yeah. Seeing Maddox’s friend carrying you unconscious into camp almost made me lose it kid.

Ajali: Which brings us to the question, what exactly happened out there?

Mad: Well….I ah….

Sav: You see Ajali, I was awakened by this strange noise coming from the bushes. I thought I heard some umm… wild animals, and when I checked Mad’s tent, I noticed that he wasn’t there and I got worried.

While this whole explanation went on, Sav prudently kept her eyes off of Mad and his friend whose faces resembled two ripe red apples.

Ajali: So you thought to bring a baseball bat into the bush, in search of your friend who was supposedly dragged by a lion?

Sav: (tried to nod, but winced) Uh… yeah.

Ajali: Savannah you know very well that lions do not behave that way, and another thing (turning to Mad) where did you sneak off to?

Mad: Well I umm…

Migs: I wanted to surprise him, so, I called him and as you can see there’s my jeep parked over there (pointed to a jeep parked way off of the camp site). I’ve been staying at the lodge for over a week, when I heard that Maddox was coming here to Africa, I decided to meet up with him.

Sav: And you are?

Mad: Savvy! I’m sooo sorry, I really needed to keep you up to speed with my uh err… business. This is Miguel Matthew Mattisson… my…

Omarion: How are you related to Marcus Mattisson?

Miguel: He’s my father

Omarion: Small world. I used to work for his lawfirm. Well Ajali, seems Sav’s okay. What’d you say we grill us up some lunch?

Off they went, leaving Sav with her best bud and his new boy toy.

Miguel (taking Savvy’s hand): It’s nice to finally meet you Sav, Madzy loves to talk about you. I wish we met during more customary circumstances.

Sav: Yes, I will never forget that first meeting, it was… interesting. It’s also interesting that ah… Madzy has not spoken to me about you.

Mad: It’s a looong story Savvy, Migs and I met in New York and well we just hit it off. He’s a world-class traveler and at the moment he is exploring this very continent.

Sav: How very convenient, is that why you suddenly flew from the big apple to Africa?

Mad: Now Sav, you know that I missed you too.

Sav: Right, (muttering under her breath) you just wanted a hotdog in the jungle.

Mad (hearing her): Savvy!!!!! My gosh! You----

Suddenly Omarion and Ajali came and started to sing Happy Birthday. Sav gave Mad a hug and ran off to her tent. When she emerged, she held a beautifully wrapped present.

Sav: Happy Birthday Maddy.

Mad: Awww…. I can’t believe you guys.

Sav: We planned a more elaborate surprise, but well, I got knocked out and all.

Mad (hugging her): you’re the best Savvy.

Miguel: Blow out your candles and make a wish.

Sav: I think he got his wish already.

Mad giggled in delight and smacked his friend, then blew out his candles. Every one took a piece of African Ginger Cake and toasted the birthday boy. Music was played and a great deal of merriment ensued.

Ajali: To usher in another year for you, and to introduce a rather weird African delicacy (takes the cover from a bowl revealing large grubs) take one and enjoy.

Mad (eyeing the worms then turned to Sav): Do I have to? I really don’t big gross worms in my mouth.

Sav (muttering under her breath): oh yes you do…

Miguel: It’s not so much a worm, as it is a snake.

Mad: Sav!!!! Miguel!!!

Sav: Oh relax Mad! I have every right to poke fun at you, after you fried my eyes with your… your…

Miguel: Recreational activities in the bush?

Sav: Yes, thank you Miguel. That, my friend, gives me the indefinite right to tease you. (turning to Miguel) bravo by the way.

Miguel (winking at Savvy): Why thank you.

Sav: Just keep it down tonight k? You wouldn’t want to wake the wild animals with your passionate symphony.

Mad: Oh Honey… can’t say that I’m sorry that you saw that. Least you get to see some action, since you barely get any on your own.

Now it was Sav’s turn to smack him.

Sav: Oh shut it immoral person

Mad: You shut it pseudo-virginal chit

Sav: Hag

Mad: Brat

Sav: Love you Honey

Mad: Love you too dear.

And so, the party went on until the skies dimmed. They dined on several exotic delicacies, which Ajali introduced one by one. Sav made wise cracking innuendos that made Mad blush furiously. Presents were opened, none of which were animal fur. There was drinking, dancing, and a great deal of laughter.

After saying their goodnights, Savvy went to bed and cranked up the volume on her iPOD. Maddy and Miguel made some music of their own.

Can you feel the love tonight?

I bet you do!

Happy Birthday you naughty devil.

TTFN