Apples

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation." ~Oscar Wilde~

Temptation is a funny thing, ironically enough, it quintessentially comes wrapped in the most appealing forms... Forms which are sometimes too hard to resist. "Bless me Father for I have sinned" - these words echo in my head as I stifle the makings of a rather telltale smile on my face. Hmm... there it is, taunting me, the object of my delicious and forbidden torture. I try to drown myself in the symphony of rock music, with the electric guitar and drums just crashing in the background while the singer's voice emanates with power... These sounds are somehow drowned by the rapid beating of my heart as I try (which is a futile attempt to begin with) to stop from staring, to quell the thoughts that are entering my mind. Blast it! My somewhat dark skin color saves me from revealing the severity of my off-color ruminations as all the blood rushes to my face.



"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat."
~Oscar Wilde~

Feigning insouciance doesn't save me, as the object of my rather colorful thoughts dance around me (not literally), but due to boredom, I have developed the strange habit of dissociating and entering my own imaginary world where I am plagued by "it" to no end.

It seems it doesn't take much to trigger the hunger, or the yearning to have "it". I'm deliberately being vague here, so as to shield myself from the inevitable censure of the public, not to mention the mocking barbs from my peers (ha ha). Truth be told, it isn't that severe, this "temptation" of mine. Why, it is biochemically ingrained in all humans I suppose. However, it is becoming a great distraction, and ingesting large quantities of "Coke Float" or "Chocolate" cannot banish i from my mind.

"Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to."
~Oscar Wilde~



It's easy to be tempted by the unknown, it's exciting and quite a thrill to unravel. Perhaps when I have explored every nook and cranny of this "thing" I might tire of it and move on to better pursuits. Trouble is, it is a double temptation to want something greatly unattainable, something beyond your reach that as insane as it is ridiculous, you can't help but want it more.

I sit and smile wondering who is going to lose this battle, I'm guessing that it will be me (of course). It is said that bad and downright shocking things are advisable to be experienced in small doses. Greater doses of said things can debauch a person to the point that it becomes the norm for them. Hmmm.. tempting....

Debatable:It's hard to yield to temptation.

Place a starving person in a room filled with apples, how long will it take him to grab one and take a bite?

Tick tock for me.....(wink)

Birth of the Queen

Look at me
You can take it all because this face is free
Maybe next time use your eyes and look at me
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing baby
I can even do reality...

Her eyes opened, and sunlight was bursting into her window. Languorous, and still trapped in a dream-like state, she yawns and stumbles out of bed. Off comes her night apparel and she enters the shower. Cold water flows from her head down to her toes, and she stifles the urge to shiver. She dons a dress of yellow with flowers embroidered at the hem, as she enters her room she is greeted by her impish canine companions lavishing her with their excited panting and jumping, and she smiles at them. Her carriage awaits, down she went off to another adventure.

It was just like any other day, another day filled with ennui making her drown in the sheer lethargy. She ignores the incessant chatter of the people around her - there's nothing new after all. She dismisses gossip mongers with a wave of her regal hand - she's got better things to do than entertain trash-talkers. What else can sovereign snob do, other than sit around and roll her eyes at the idiocy of the idle peasants?

Sometimes I don't recognize my own face
I look inside my eyes and find disgrace
My little white lies tell a story
I see it all, it has no glory

Boredom can have the oddest effect on people. It makes them act out in well, rather extreme ways. In my case, boredom causes me to dig into my inner "DIVA". So here I am people, bored, and suffering from a delusion that I'm some blue-blooded monarch. It's not so much of a stretch since I am a snob anyway, and I'm told that I sit so straight that it seems as if I have a steel bar lodged up my spine. Poise, is my trademark I suppose. I think it's genetic, since recently I just met my Aunt who happens to conduct herself in the same regal manner, poised and detached. A light bulb flicked on in my head, "I'm not soo weird after all."

Come and look at me
This face is free
I'm your fantasy
Who do you wannabe?
Not what you see
I'm a drama queen if that's your thing
Come on and look at me
I'm your fantasy
This face is free
Come on and look at me
So who do you wannabe?
This is free...

So, this is me people. The regal diva that is Trishiee...

Long live the Queen.

Running Away

Broken hearts are perverse little things. Whoever said that "Time heals all wounds" was either ignorant or suffering from denial. You see, akin to ingesting your favorite alcoholic beverage, you can dull the pain of a heartbreak, hell, you can drown yourself and purge that sensation. However, the next day you are left to reel from the after effects of your overindulgence. The next day, not only does the pain come back with a vengeance, you're also besieged with the feeling that the world has just split in two. Sheer discord and bedlam echo in your mind, the pain is ringing in your ears, as you suffer from one colossal hang over.


Time does not heal wounds, it only numbs the ache. It gives you the illusion that everything is over and done with, it gives you the comfort to go on with your life. To live with the pretense that your heart never suffered the blow. Time allows you to bury the memory to the farthest recesses of your mind, that is, of course till that hapless the day that something or someone happens to slash the wound open again.

You can turn to the powers of denial, that it doesn't hurt, and that you're over it. You can run, you can hide, you can change your name, and move to some distant continent - but then, broken hearts have the rather odious power to follow you where ever you go. In the end, you will be reduced to the same person that you were the moment it happened. You can try to find somebody new, to somehow allow yourself the chance to start fresh, but then, it does not work out, you are yet again reeling from another crippling sensation, which leaves you wondering why?

Broken hearts are like weeds, no matter how you try to do away with them in haste, they will always keep coming back to suck the life out of your garden. If one is not able to properly come to terms with the feeling, you will never be free from it. The past prevents your from moving on, because you have not found the power to heal from the festering wound in your heart.

So what do you do? Do you keep running away from it, only to collide into same feeling in your quest of denial? Or do you face the demon head on and finally lower it to its grave?

The power to heal can easily be found within ourselves. We spend so much time wallowing in a self imposed state of hell that we don't see things clearly. We create our own demons after all.

No one can truly break your heart unless you give them the power to do so.

Instead of moving on and forging on ahead
We do the dumbest thing,
We hurt ourselves by looking back...

It's time to run away. Far away from the grave where the demons of our broken hearts lie resting. It's time to run away, and live...

To Listen to the song, click here (Running Away).

Don’t lie and say that it’s okay
It’s alright yeah, there’s nothing more to say

So I’m running away, I’m leaving this place
Yeah I’m running away, I’m running away

Don’t tell me I’m the one to blame
It’s too late for you to make me stay
No, I won’t stay

So I’m running away, I’m leaving this place
Yeah I’m running away, I’m running away

Faster than you can follow me from this lonely place
Farther than you can find me I’m leaving, yeah I'm leaving today

I’ll never let you find me
I’m leaving you behind with the past, no I won’t look back
And I don't wanna hear your reasons
Don't wanna hear you tell me why I should stay
And try, try to understand me
Try to understand what I say when I say I can’t stay
and I, I’m moving on from this place
leaving and I won’t when I’m running away

I’m running away, I’m leaving this place
Yeah I’m running away, I’m running away

Dum, Dum, Dum... DUMB

Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open. Kevin: A-ha! So you admit that believe in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!

(27 Dresses ~ 2008)

Let's play a little game of word association shall we? Okay, what enters your mind when I mention the the word "Wedding", anyone???

To name a few, when someone mentions that particular word, the following things that are quintessentially mentioned would be:

1. Wedding Dress
2.Cake
3.Invitation

Let us break it down.

For some, (ladies in particular) the all consuming thought would gyrate around "the dress" it has something to do with the time old dream of getting to walk down the isle in that perfect "princess-like" dress, being the center of attention, and well, maudlin as it may seem, the fairytale aspect of it is what every girl wants.

Then there's "The Cake". It seems some people place quite a huge deal on the perfect wedding cake. A confection made of tiers and tiers filled with chocolate, or vanilla (or what ever flavor the couple decides on) embellished with edible gold, or flowers, maybe even jewels...point is, the cake will be a spectacle on it's own, and will probably require it's own entourage.

Another would be the Invitation, be it embossed, sprinkled with glitter, shoved in a bottle, twined with ribbons, printed with perfect calligraphy... it's all the same I suppose... but people seem to come up with ostentatious invitations, that are sometimes not necessary. I mean, All the invitations say: You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane (Soon to be Doe) followed by a lengthy list of names (and if you're Filipino) expect that all your relatives will be there, so, it will be one insanely hefty invitation...

The list goes on and on, so, I won't beat around the bush here. Some people place more emphasis on all the minute details of a wedding and tend to overlook the most important aspect, which is (at least for me) the couple, or for those who are actually the one's getting married, the most important part of their wedding is the person whom they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with - not the dress, cake, the invitation or any other rubbish. Notwithstanding the absence of the dress, cake, and invitations, you can still get married anyway, but if you did not have a person to marry or absurdly enough, if you think those things take precedence over your chosen partner, something is truly amiss there.

You see, when I hear the word "Wedding" one word enters my mind, which I find horribly disconcerting and maudlin at the same time...

FOREVER.

I think that's one of the things that couples and the general public seem to take for granted about weddings and the concept of marriage, it is binding, and technically unbreakable. In a sense that you enter it with the intention of spending your life with your partner, and live in accordance to the vows that you have promised to in front of God and your Family - To love, honor and cherish that person. In sickness and health, for richer or poorer etc. etc.

It's amazing how weddings have become some sort of sport for some people. Changing their spouses faster than they can change clothes. Accumulating discarded wedding rings and vows that have been broken after a long string of extramarital affairs, philandering, abuse, want of activities in the bedroom, and what ever issues that come up; that cause the demise of a marriage.

"My fiancee and I are having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no expense spared reception; and what he wants is to break off our engagement."
Sally Poplin

It's easier for most people to jump into marriage in a really devil-may-care way, regardless of their want of knowledge or maturity as they plunge into it. Others tend to run away from it like a criminal fleeing from the threat of his own execution, knowing very well that it is sometimes a tedious chore, and a bore to shackle oneself to one person for all eternity - akin to being served the same home-cooked meal everyday.

I tend to pity the former rather than the latter. The latter can change, and be taught to appreciate beauty of the complexity of marriage. While the former is sometimes in danger of regretting the whole experience due to the following reasons. 1. Lack of foresight and 2. Flaming idiocy (or naivete, depends on how you look at it).

People who jump into marriage tend to overlook the idea that yes, it takes work and yes, it is a bloody commitment, and no, there's no "do-over" button that will make it go away. So what becomes of these people? They either "grow up" in the process, and fulfill their marital duties to the best of their abilities (even if it kills them) or they fall into a downwards spiral of their fair share of indiscretions, like taking part in illicit affairs or developing a long string of self destructive vices like gambling, drinking, etc.

Again, in this day and age, people can just jump into marriage, and in the same haste, forsake their vows in some random moment of let us say... boredom or temptation... It's a rarity to find couples who are truly devoted to one another, who actually got married because they wanted to, not because they were coerced or were compelled to do it out of fulfilling an obligation, or because of some misguided belief that marriage is the best way to attain the happiness that seemed to elude then in their present relationship.

Maggie Carpenter: When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie

(Runaway Bride 1999)

Marriage is forever, I can't say that enough. You can hire the best divorce attorneys in the world to sever your ties with your husband or wife, but divorce can never really eradicate the fact that you did get married. You will have your memories, and time spent in that relationship that you can never take back. You can dismiss it as an act of stupidity, or throw in the "I was young and reckless" defense and perhaps in time you can marry someone else, but if you do not truly understand it's significance, what's the point?
"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern."
Mickey Rooney.

To be honest, when I am invited to a wedding (especially if I came into it knowing that the bride, but more often than not, the groom is usually the one who does not really have the desire to get married) I tend to place bets on how long they will last. How long before she drives him away, how long before he starts straying, and how it will be for me to be proven right yet again that weddings will forever be a complete farce. Personally, I think you don't need a piece of paper to tell the world that you are devoted to somebody, since we have enough people out there making a spectacle out of the institution of marriage as it is - incontrovertible proof that it is not the ultimate seal of hmm... "True Love".

So, you can spend thousands, millions even, of money on wedding paraphernalia, but if you have not honestly given much thought to the reason why the wedding has to take place, or if you lack the crucial sentiments attached to the person who will ultimately be yours for all eternity, then you might as well eschew the whole thing.

Marriage is not easy, heck, planning the wedding is a crash course in itself. I think you really need the intestinal fortitude, as well as the mental & emotional durability to get married. Because akin to going to war, should you go into it unprepared, it is likely that you will come out of it a changed person with a lot of scars to talk about, not to mention a great deal of post traumatic stress.

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
Mae West

I applaud the couples who are lucky enough to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversaries. I can't say that I'm ready to take the plunge, seeing as I am quite disillusioned by the whole idea, and have become a raving cynic to boot, but I think I will come around... I suppose it would depend on the person who proposes to me, if he succesfully illiminates all my rather neurotic fears about weddings as he delivers a rather profound & moving marriage proposal.

Hmm.... there is hope for me yet.


Ike Graham: [on the perfect proposal] Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

(Runaway Bride 1999)

Anna Garlin Spencer:

The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.

Fight Club errr Quest

Life is a fight. My favorite thing about our show is that everyone can relate to it, whether they've physically fought or not. Life is a struggle -- people battle against sickness and we fight to make ends meet, for education, for the welfare of our families, for the opportunity to improve. Every day, every one of us battles in our own way. ~Doug Anderson~

Around 3am last night (yes, I was yet again besieged by another sleepless night) while I was flipping from one channel to the next, and curiously enough I stopped at channel 34 (The Discovery Channel) yes, I'm a self-proclaimed "Geek" I love watching shows on The Discovery Channel & Nat Geo, preferably it has something to do wildlife or fish, but last night (or should I say, this morning) I was compelled to watch Fight Quest.
Fight Quest is a show on The Discovery Channel, that displays an immersion into the world of fighting styles. They have filmed in different locations such as the Philippines (which was the segment that I watched), China, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Thailand, Israel, Brazil and India. The show is hosted by Jimmy Smith and Doug Anderson.

The former is a native of New Jersey, who enlisted in the U.S Army back in 2002, Doug was one of the brave men who fought in Iraq, whose infantry unit engaged in most of the frontline combats. He's got an insatiable thirst for seeking the thrill of learning new fighting styles, so much so that he continues to perfect his mastery for Kickboxing and traditional Boxing. That insatiable appetite has allowed him to earn a Blue Belt in Jui Jitsu as well.
The latter has earned a Purple Belt in Jiu-Jitsu, and has collected a lot of Jiu Jitsu titles under his belt, to name a few: the Joe Moreira Tournament Lightweight Champion, Cleber Luciano Tournament Welterweight Champion, the Paragon Tournament Championien & etc. Having a history of men with strong fighting skills in his family, you can really tell that Jimmy's a real fighter. Both men learn a myriad of fighting styles for the show, which culminates in an all out combat with both men facing off with local fighters.
The episode that I watched was quite interesting and entertaining (from a Filipino point of view). The boys had to learn, and I quote "One of the deadliest, most ancient fighting systems on Earth" which is: Kali, a Filipino Martial Art that combines weapon and hand fighting skills (isn't that just awesome?). Both men went through rather intense training that practically left them mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day.

I laughed as I listened to the Filipino master who trained Doug giving critique on his "pootwork". "His pootwork needs work" he said, (I kid, you not, he said "pootwork") reminds me of Rex Navarette poking fun at the Filipino accent, being Filipino (and proud of it), it was just entertaining. Watching Jimmy eat Balut for the first time was fun too, although he liked it, commenting "It's quite good actually" listening to the vendor explain what a Balut is, was another entertaining moment.

"Balut is... it is an egg with wings" (when he says "wings" he waves his hands in a flapping motion) haha it was cute.

Another scene that I enjoyed was when Jimmy encounters his trainer's student who disarms him and does intricate things with the stick that leaves Jimmy staring slack-jawed in amazement.

"Aw... now training is going to be tougher, she's this small (indicates height with his hands) and she's sooo goood".

The final fight between the fight quest boys and our very own Filipino Marines was thrilling. There were three rounds, the first was a knife fight (no, they didn't use real knives, just some makeshift weapon with red lipstick on it to determine the points), followed by stick fighting, and ends with hand to hand combat. Jimmy won 2 rounds out of the 3 (Stick & Hand fight), while Doug won the hand to hand combat in a burst of what I call "the primal fighting spirit" or the "eye of the tiger moment, with his boxing stance - the Marine that he was pitted against, was one tough bugger. All in all, it was a good fight for both men, who were honored with tokens and dubbed as Filipinos.

It was awesome watching the show, and it just brought me back to the time that I watched Brad Pitt and Edward Norton duking it out in the movie Fight Club.

The first rule of Fight Club is - you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is - you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, someone yells Stop!, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule, one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Life is indeed a fight, only the strong survives....

Bring Me That Horizon

Tia Dalma: The compass you bartered from me it cannot lead you to this?

Jack Sparrow: Maybe. Why?

Tia Dalma: Ah, Jack Sparrow does not know what he wants.



It was mentioned in the course of the trilogy (Pirates of the Caribbean) that Jack's Sparrow's compass had the unique power to point the the thing that he wanted most, of course, other characters in the films often thought of it as a compass that never pointed North and dubbed it to be broken. Hilariously enough, every time Jack held it, it often pointed to Rum (one of his many sources of joy, other than sailing his beloved Black Pearl), due to that minor inconvenience of being waylaid by his other desires, more often than not he tricked others into using his compass to achieve his clever schemes - genius really.
Digressing aside, no, I'm not here to narrate the colorful adventures of the roguish Pirate, Jack Sparrow, I'm here to perhaps offer my insights on life as of late. Taking note of the preamble that I have provided, I do not know what I want. I'd love to get my hands on Jack's Sparrows compass and have some semblance of a direction, a way to go, a bloody clue of what exactly my heart desires, but regrettably, it was only a prop used by Disney for the films, hence, here I am besieged with hebetude and ennui, at a lost of what to do. I'm like a sitting duck really, a ship stuck in the middle of the Ocean with no direction - I need that compass!!!
I know I'm supposed to be grateful for the things I have, as well as my achievements, but if you knew me very well once I finish one thing, I instantly move on to the next project. I can't be idle, I can't relax, I'm always thinking about the next big thing, I'm always craving for more, and I find it exhilarating. When things slow down (like now) I find myself drifting aimlessly, I suppose that is why I can't sleep anymore, or I can't seem to drift into a peaceful slumber - I want to know what I want. I'm drawing on a blank right now, which is just vexing.
Before it came so easy for me, when I figured out the things I wanted I pursued it like a ravenous carnivore stalking his prey, I always got what I wanted, and I never let anyone stop me. Ironically, I'm the one encumbering myself right now with all the bedlam in my mind. It's a new year, which usually means the slate has been wiped clean and I get to chart my course for this year, and sail on to uncharted waters and perilous depths - first I have to figure out what I want... (cue cricket sounds).
I'll have to get back to you my aggrieved readers, I need to battle it out with fickle mind to wring out my true desires.
How about I just prattle about my 2008 adventures or misadventures?
Hmmm... Highlights: We passed our oral defense for our thesis, I graduated College, got a job (got my first paycheck around May and shopped like mad), I met new friends, turned a year older, and officially I can say that Ray Go is my boyfriend.
Low points: Where do I start? (laugh) well, as much as I want to give free reign to my acerbic humor when it comes to discussing my lowest of the low moments last year, I don't really want to give those (horrible) moments any more power over me. So, in a nutshell, here are the series of unfortunate events: Family drama, Death, Scandal, more scandal, and to my everlasting chagrin, meeting the following individuals: spineless dopey-eyed cads, a stalker-ish man who is a menace to the English language, uncultured self-righteous gals, and vindictive slanderous haters. Okay, that's about it for now, I'll have to figure things out. I may not know what I want right now, but I know I'm going to rock at it.

So baby yes I know what I am
And no I don't give a damn
And you'll be loving it

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps gettin' better...