Damsel In Distress

DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
He fought his way past the thorny briars and slew the ferocious dragon—all without getting a spot on his gleaming armor. He climbed to the highest room in the highest tower, took off his helmet, and woke the sleeping princess with a gentle (but manly) kiss.
She snapped awake. "ARRRRRRRRRRRGH! Can't anyone get any rest around here?!"
"But... but... Weren't you a damsel in distress?"
"A damsel in _STRESS._ Which is why I was resting, until you very rudely came along and woke me up."
"I'm sorry! It's just that I saw a dragon, and dragons usually guard beautiful princesses and..."
"What did you do to my dragon?!" She ran to the window and saw the bloody carcass. "Pookie! You killed Pookie! Don't you know how hard it is to raise dragons? Every time I manage to train one to sit and beg, some dumb oaf comes along and kills it!"
"I'm sorry—I really am—forgive my—"
"And you chopped down my rose garden!"
"I'm really sorry about that, but I had to rescue—"
"I have HAD it with people who ASSUME that princesses need RESCUING more than they need their BEAUTY SLEEP! OUT!" She bashed him with a pillow. "OUT! I don't want to see you ever again!"
"Okay! I'm sorry!" He backed down the flight of stairs, cowering behind his shield as the princess pillow-whacked him all the way to the ground floor.
"AND STAY OUT!" she yelled as he galloped off into the sunset. She bolted the door, trudged upstairs, and started writing a letter.
Source: Sacha Chua (click me)

A friend of mine has decided to dub me with the great honor or lack thereof, of being called “Bella”. Now, this may seem like an adorable compliment to some of the members of my species, by “species” I mean “women” (probably the fatuous members of my species) but for me, it's just a rather abominable insult – however, I choose to tolerate the deplorable moniker for the sake of being wildly polite (my friend does not know any better apparently). BUT Really? Compare me to the depthless, and not to mention, helpless protagonist of the famed Twilight series??? He was comparing me to that dolt of a girl who tripped all over herself, and mangled the very image of what a “strong and resilient woman” should be by being the paragon “Damsel in Distress”. Seriously? It's bad enough that she was a magnet for ever y conceivable disaster to befall any human being, but she just had to throw herself at a vampire to top it all off, a vampire who became her designated protector (he's got his work cut out for him, he has to keep saving her and at the same time, resist the urge to kill her – now, that is a conundrum).
I actually only mildly resent being called Bella, what irks me more is the idea that someone thinks I am just like her – a person who needs saving..

It must be the age-old male notion that women can't fend for themselves, and should always have a handy dandy man around at her beck and call. Women are helpless creatures and would cease to exist were it not for men, were it not for their brute strength and intelligence, women would not be able to do a thing without them. Men can provide women with what they want and need, all a girl has to do in return is sit, look pretty, and perhaps produce enough offspring to perpetuate the world with more strong men and helpless women. This male chauvinistic belief is just downright offensive, women in this day and age can open their own doors, walk on puddles (dare we step on it and risk soiling our shoes), and defend themselves without the aid or hint of a man's presence to go out of his way to open the door, take off his coat to cover a puddle, and punch some other brute's teeth in.
We don't need to be saved thank you very much!
Back to me - I don't know when I ever gave away the impression that I needed someone to save me, if that ever happened, believe me, I was probably having a bad day. I may appear like a shrinking violet, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. True, I have never put them into good use, perhaps that is why people seem to think I am a fragile creature (cringe) but honestly, I'm as fragile as a caged Tiger, I tend to keep my real strength locked behind bars, I suppose that's why people underestimate me. That is, until I experience one of my sporadic rage blackouts and the cage door happens to swing open... Carnage soon follows.
I'm not Bella! Not even close, Bella may give hope to every clumsy girl out there (the hope is to find a mass murderer or what have you, equivalent to a blood lusting vampire, to fall in love with them). Bella makes me want to throttle her (if only she wasn't a fictional character, I would so love to beat her up till she's black and blue, that is, if Edward won't mind).
I've had enough with all this Bella rubbish, I'm quite glad to be done with her antics really, and she is not someone I would recommend little girls should emulate – she's at the very bottom of the list actually, along with all the fair maidens and helpless damsels waiting in their respective castles and towers to be saved by Prince Charming a.k.a. Chauvinistic Pig Macho Man.
I, on the other hand would be wielding my own sword, ready to hack off the first person who would dare call me a damsel in distress!!!!