Bonjour cheri aimie’s!
How time flies, and here we are with another tale of our feisty bff’s.
Recap, the last we saw of Maddox Keynes, he was picking off splinters from his skin as he and Reymaun Yvanda Levant (formerly known as “Naked Man”) broke some furniture while having very wild and heated sessions of bedroom or rather, dressing room carnal Olympics. How did this come to be you ask, when our fabulous Maddy Keynes has a boyfriend? Correction, he had a boyfriend. After spending months working on his Father’s comeback concert, on the big day, the very event that was the product of his blood, sweat, and at that time, tears… Mad was given the box office treat of watching his boyfriend (Miguel Matthew Mattisson) make out with one of his hired hands (Davies Gio Vasillisa). Tsk, tsk. In a fit of rage, he marched in to his Father’s dressing room bent on breaking some furniture or perhaps some of the great
Why was our Savvy distraught you ask? To answer that, allow me to say, what the Gods giveth, they can taketh away – eth…. And Taketh away they did. The fabulous socialite Princess known as Savannah Red, heir to the Red empire of fine wines was called away from her hiatus in
Cue song: Gives you Hell (By: The All American Rejects)
I wake up every evening
with a big smile on my face
and it never feels out of place.
and you're still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes…
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell…
Two weeks after…
Savannah Red woke up in Leeno Gray’s loft located conveniently in the town’s culture central between the Park and the
Digressing aside, yes, it was a worthy investment that reaped heaps and heaps in pleasurable stock for him.
“Why would you need an antique bed old boy?” one of his Brit friends (Alden Wallace) asked him at the auction house, “That bloody thing is meant for a museum, it has no place in that modern flat of yours”
Leeno grinned insouciantly and said, “Goes to show old chap that you have no finesse when it comes to seducing women”.
When Alden continued to look conpuzzled (confused and puzzled) over the whole thing, Leeno added with a sigh, “It is to set the scene dear boy…”
And set the scene he did….
But again, that is another tale….
By and by, Savvy loved the bed.
After a rather awful ordeal with her family, our Princess turned Pauper woke up wrapped in silver colored Egyptian cotton sheets (1000 thread count) while her head rested on silk covered pillows, she was greeted with breakfast in bed by the handsome (rogue and seducer) errr… Prince Charming Leeno Gray -whoever said that being penniless meant that you had to give up the finer things in life, would definitely eat up his or her words upon meeting Savannah Red, bon vivant extraordinaire.
Sav gave a hearty yawn and smiled as Leeno arrived with her breakfast tray. The bed dipped as he sat beside her.
“What’s for breakfast?” she asked.
Leeno kissed her on the forehead “Strawberries dipped in chocolate, Chocolate Chip Pancakes,
Pineapple Orange Juice… “He looked at her and shrugged “The usual”.
He took one Strawberry and gave it for Sav to bite. “I trust that you slept well Kitten?”
“I think we didn’t do much sleeping Tiger…” she answered, giving him a sweet look.
“Are you complaining m’dear?” his brow quirked as he asked this question.
“Certainly not” Sav answered with an embarrassed laugh. She moved to grab another Strawberry from the crystal bowl. “I’m just pointing out the fact that we did not sleep last night is all…”
As he handed Sav some Choco Chip Pancakes, his tone was laced with warmth when he said, “Well, you certainly look ---- good for someone who is sleep deprived”
“PHguood huh?” Sav swallowed, “Good Huh? Is that really the word that you meant to describe me with?”
Leeno took a bite of the Strawberry that Sav handed to him and chewed thoughtfully. After he swallowed, he said, “Actually, the word that I meant to use was ravishing…”
Another forkful of pancakes came at Sav, “Mmm….” She said as the Chocolate melted in her mouth. “You are really becoming quite the Chef. It’s good to have someone at my beck and call for free…”
“This” He waved at the food, then the room “Isn’t for free m’dear, I do expect payment one way or the other” Leeno wiggled is eyebrows “In cash or in kind” the emphasis on the word “kind” sent jolts of electricity on Sav’s skin.
She chose to ignore his comment, “I still love being ah… serviced”
Leeno grinned and was about to say something when he caught the censuring look that Sav gave him. He chuckled and bowed “I live to serve you madam”
“Mmmm…” Sav said as she swallowed another mouthful. She then noticed that he had used up the Chocolate Chips and Fruit that they brought while grocery shopping the other day.
“I was looking forward to baking a Strawberry Shortcake or some Choco Chip Cookies, you know, just a little something that we could stash for dessert after dinner” she started to say, “Since you used the supplies that I got, what do we eat for dessert?”
Leeno grinned and as if on cue, produced a can of whipped cream “Each other of course…”
As Leeno pushed her down on the bed, Sav couldn’t help but sigh in contentment. This was the life.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why our dear
Two weeks before…
Hearing the bare truth was better than believing a heavily disguised lie. This was the thought that echoed in Sav’s mind after the dinner she had with her family, an event she now calls “The Great Revelation”.
Before all that,
Ira, Sav’s sister was chatting animatedly on her phone, while her bother had his face buried in Dante Alighieri’s Inferno…
When their Father sent them a similar arcane message informing them that they were to meet at Luxe, 6PM sharp for a “talk”, Sav was with her brother in a coffee shop sipping gingerly form her Caramel Mocha Frap, her phone buzzed along with her bother’s phone. After reading the message they both wore twin expressions of trepidation, nothing good ever came out when Omarion Red schedules a “talk” with them.
When they entered Luxe, Sav spied the dark look on her Father’s face, which was mirrored by her Mother. Her brother noticed this as well, shrugged and proceeded to walk while stealing glances at his book. Quite apropos, Sav thought, staring at her parents, then at the book that her brother held. To which circle of hell is this “talk” going to send us? Sav wondered. As if to answer, one of the more memorable quotes of Dante’s Inferno popped into her head. "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate"
Sav stifled the urge to call up Mad, knowing full well that embroiling him into the impending disaster that was the “talk” would only dampen her bud’s blossoming mood as of late. A day after Leeno rescued her, Mad apologized for his absence and took almost a full ten minutes to recover from the shock of Sav’s recent financial situation. To brighten her spirits he regaled her with all the details of his recent bout of well, for lack of a better term, sexcapades, as well as his breakup with Migs. It was then Sav’s turn to pause and recover from that little tidbit. She had to stifle the urge to censure her best bud over his indulgences, but considering his broken heart, she decided that he was owed a period of grand debauchery. Presently, Maddoz was out with Reymaun, he left her a message after she informed him of the scheduled family meeting.
(On her Phone) From : Twin MK
Savvy dearest! Again, I offer my apologies for being M.I.A during your time of need, like I said during our chat the other day, they can take away your crown honey, but they can’t take away the fabulousness of your royal attitude, raving brat that you are (joke sweetie), but seriously, you are and will always be a Princess, nay, a Queen to me and Lee Gray. Don’t think too much about the meeting with your rents k? I’m sure Papa O just has some things that he needs to clear up with you guys. It can’t get any worse right? What’s worse than living in an empty house, and doing a Cinderella minus the helpful rodents? (Cringe) Sorry, you know I’m not shallow; I just worry about you wrecking your skin from all the manual labor (remember to moisturize love). Digressing aside, Hon, if a crapstorm brews, I will be the first or second (if Lee beats me to it) by your side to shelter you from the first drops of doo-doo.
Love you lots sweets.
~Liva La Vida~
She placed her phone in her bag, mentally preparing herself for the “talk”. Sav stared at the entrance of the lounge where they were to wait for her Uncle to arrive. The words from Dante’s Inferno came back with a vengeance as she entered the lounge, the look on her parent’s faces still fresh in her mind.
"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" which translates to “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here".
The look on her Parent’s faces said it all; this was going to be one rough night.
Dinner was conducted with tense and choreographed conversations. Sav’s Mother tried to make things seem light and fluffy, while her Uncle shifted uncomfortably as Sav’s Father kept shooting him pointed looks. Sav’s brother juggled the act of eating and playing along with their Mother’s conversational game, Sav’s sister rolled her eyes while repeatedly mumbling “Let’s get this over with” under her breath. Sav merely waited for her Father to cut to the chase, sensing the tension rise with every moment that he kept silent…
“We don’t have to do this” Uncle Charles whispered to her Father, conveniently Sav heard this since she was seated directly to his right. She pounced on this snippet. “What exactly is it that you don’t have to do Uncle Charles?”
Her question caught the attention of the rest of her family, which allowed them to open fire with queries.
“What are we doing here really?” Sav’s Sister Ira, whined. “I have to be in
“Here, here…” Sav’s Brother Vin, chimmed in. “I too want to know why you have gathered us here Dad… what’s the deal?”
Whiny questions poured in from both her siblings, Sav merely kept quiet. While this was going on, nobody really paid much attention to Mrs. Red who, unbeknownst to her progeny was carrying quite a huge secret for months, as the questions ensued, the dear lady had finally reached the end of her rope, which became apparent when she got up and screeched at Sav’s Dad.
“This is your doing! I won’t sit here for this!”
After uttering this statement, she promptly dropped her napkin on the table and stormed out of the restaurant leaving her family and the people within earshot completely stunned.
“I’ll go get her” came in Uncle Charles’ squeaky voice. He made the move to stand up, but Omarion gently and silently urged him to sit back down.
Sav and her siblings directed their eyes at their Father who was still staring at their Mother’s retreating figure. Their Uncle settled back in his seat and appeared to be close to biting his nails, looking as jumpy as he was. Growing more irate by the minute, Ira, in her typical blunt no non-sense fashion spoke up.
“What the devil is going on?”
When nobody answered, she turned to her Uncle. “No disrespect but spit it out Uncle Charles…”
Uncle Charles opened his mouth, closed it, fished out his handkerchief to mop the sweat from his brow and regarded Ira with a helpless look before he started a very disjointed rant about the importance of protecting children from bitter realities. While this was going on, Omarion remained silent, unmoving. Sav was starting to wonder if her Dad was taking a mental vacation due to the stress.
“Children have the right to remain kids, you know? They need to believe that life is all butterflies and rainbows”
“Butterflies and rainbows?” Vin mouthed, turning to Sav. Sav shrugged and turned to Ira who not so subtly made the universal symbol for crazy by making a circular motion with her index finger next to her head.
Perhaps his Brother’s nervous breathing and rambling chatter was what caused Omarion Red to drop his pretenses, or it could be his wife’s long overdue outburst that did him in. Either way, Omarion Red closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath before he uttered the following words that upturned the world of his family…
“I lied to all of you….”
If there was a PA system in the restaurant it would go:
“Welcome to the ninth circle of hell, devoted to betrayal. Please keep your belongings as well as your hopes and dreams with you at all times. We cannot assure their safety in this realm as there are men and women who are despoilers of good things housed herein. Notice that we have four rounds for this level. Level one is reserved to those who betray their kindred, Level two is reserved for traitors to political entities, Level three is for people who betray their guests, and Level four is reserved for people who betray their lords and benefactors. You are in luck today, because Level one just added a new member; he is a famed business man, and adventurer, Father to three children and was once known to be a shinning paragon of the community. Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you, Omarion Red….”
Maddox Keynes
Two weeks before…
Lightning flashed across the sky and torrents of rain pelted his window. Mad stood there staring out into the street, looking at neon sign that caused a series of images to flash in his mind. In spite of the dreary weather, Maddox Keynes smiled.
In less than five days after the concert, he, the great Maddox Keynes, managed to travel the
world to take his fill of pleasures, a feat that he accomplished without leaving the confines of his bedroom, or better yet, the bedrooms of the “countries” that he visited. Ever since the little incident at the concert, Mad has taken it upon himself to purge his soul from all the anger and frustration that he felt over Miguel’s nomadic sense of fidelity. What better way to exorcise the thoughts running wild in his mind than to gorge himself with “comfort food”. No, Maddox was not thinking of planting roots in an all you can eat buffet. The “comfort food” that I am referring to here is the buffet of the world’s most gorgeous men.
Monday, it was Japanese, with Raizuk Oita. Tuesday, it was Filipino-Norwegian, with Carlos Koht. Wednesday, it was British, with Chase Husson. Thursday was Australian, with Jim Ryan, and Friday was French-Italian, with Étienne Gallo.
Mind you, while he did enjoy fooling around in his travels, he did not spend the night with all of them. He wasn’t a total Don Juan in that sense. However, he did become quite partial to the French-Italian, Etienne Gallo, and they spent some interesting night(s) together. Mad does love a good serving of Salami or how did Mad put it when Sav asked about his “visit”, Mad called it la (saucisse) merguez, which roughly translates to “Spicy Sausage”.
Yowwwwwwwza.
It was the Frenchman in Etienne that romanced and enchanted dear Maddy and satiated his craving for mush, while Etienne’s Italian side appeased Maddy’s culinary cravings. The fact that he was jaw-dropingly, underpants melting HOT was a plus.
They had just left Romano, one of the most expensive restaurants in the city (owned by Etienne’s Father, Luigi Atonio Gallo (who happened to be a former Sous Chef of the great Mario Batali).
Maddox loved the fact that he was given the five star treatments at the restaurant. The Gallo family just adored him. Mad was merrily surprised to meet Etienne’s mother, Vivienne Dubois-Gallo along with the motley crew that was his Italian relatives who happened to be present when they had their little no-strings date.
Etienne blushed furiously when his Mother hovered over them for the duration of their meal, sending food their way like Meat and Cheese Antipasta, Herb Mushrooms, Spinach and Cheese Cannelloni, Veal Piccata, Beef Liver Marsala, then a Ameretto Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert.
Mad felt like a bloated tick after that sumptuous meal, and was quick to comment about it ruining his diet. Etienne’s Mother overheard this and laughed.
“Non, non mon petit, iting iz good” she admonished him in her sing-song French accent, “Aldoh I am Freaunch, I love ow ze Italians eat. Ze Freaunch love to enjoy zer food, an it in a control manner, savoring ich bite, wayl ze Italians love to feasst an teyk in their fill in an unbridled fashion. I sink you ave’ a little Italian in you”
Maddox smiled abashedly, “Parodez moi Madame, I meant no offense. The food was amazing. I’m just worried about my figure is all. Mon meilleur ami, my best friend, says I have a pillow” He illustrated this by touching his bulging stomach.
Etienne’s Mother laughed heartily and pinched Maddox’s cheek, “Tut, Tut, cheri, yoo ar tres’ manifique! Dat iz why my sun take you ere, yes?” She winked, and then turned to address her son. “
“Etty, I sink, I know why you talked my ear off about zis man, you like im” Ignoring her son’s blush, she added “You betah be good to zis one eh?” As if on cue, Etienne blushed a deeper shade of red, and Maddox couldn’t help but ignore the part where Mrs. Gallo mentioned that her son liked him.
After another round of Italian sweets, and a round of hearty hugs from the Gallo clan, Etienne accompanied Mad (on foot) to his apartment just across the restaurant (isn’t that convenient?). They stood together sharing a comfortable silence while the elevator took them to Maddy’s flat. Ding! Went the bell for the 10th floor and Mad struggled if he should invite Etienne in, it was a concern that quickly became a moot point, since the moment the elevator doors opened, Etienne marched right in to his living room.
“D view iz quite lovely up ere’” Etienne smiled; it is of note that he made that comment without looking at the window. His eyes were glued on to a very flustered
“Merci” was all Mad could answer. Etienne then plopped his divine French-Italian derriere on Mad’s leather sofa, looking cool and confident as a King.
“I’ll go get you a drink” Mad managed to say after stifling the urge to flung himself on Etienne’s lap. For the life of him, he had no clue why he enjoyed the idea that Etienne liked him, when after his recent relationship disaster all he was looking for was a good escape, no-strings, not another pseudo-serious relationship. But he likes me, he actually likes me, his brain chirped, I don’t have to try so hard to have him like I did with my dumb EX Miguel, then a reasonable voice came in, but you don’t like him, he’s sweet and all, but admit it, there’s no… FIRE.
Mad stewed over this as he mixed Etienne a drink. “I hope you like chocolate with your tequila, coz’ I’m making us some Russian Mud shakes…” He hollered.
“Anysing yu meyk iz good, ‘urry I ave’ to introdus yu tu sum friends of mine…”
What friends??? Mad wondered, he didn’t hear him call to invite people over, and Mad certainly did not approve of a get-together. He grabbed the glasses on the table and marched into the living room.
“What friends are you talking about I-“
CRASH, down went the glasses as Mad stared at a very naked Etienne.
Etienne smiled, “Alo, I like yu tu mit my friends Barney and Fred” he said pointing to his nether region.
Mad was shocked beyond sense with the sight of a naked man; his encounter with Reymaun came to mind. He reeled from the fact that naked men seem to pop up during unexpected moments, it was also quite unexpected that this naked man named his testicles after cartoon characters from the Flintstones.
Finally recovering from the stupefying moment, Mad took a deep breath, aimed his eyes at Etienne’s friends and said “Enchante Barney and Fred, pardon my rudeness…” He then aimed his eyes higher at Etienne’s face, “So… will you not introduce me to your friend in the middle, what name does the (huge) err… dashing fellow go by?”
“Bam-Bam”
Mad stifled a grin “Bam-Bam huh? Why Bam-Bam?” he couldn’t help but ask.
Etienne approached Mad while pinning him with a naughty look. When he was within arm’s length of Mad, he stopped and said, “Tu answer zat, I must show yu….”
Imagine Fergie singing “Be Italian” (From the movie soundtrack of NINE) in the background while Mad and Etienne heated up the sheets.
Be Italian
Be Italian
Take a chance and try to steal a fiery kiss
Be Italian
Be Italian
When you hold me don't just hold me but hold this
Please be gentle, sentimental
Go ahead and try to give my cheek a pat
But be daring and uncaring
When you pinch me try to pinch me where there's fat
HA!
Be a singer be a lover
Pick the flower now before the chance is past
Be Italian
Be Italian
Live today as if it may become your last!
When the sun rose the next day, Mad accepted the fact that Bam-Bam was the best moniker for the marvelous appendage, since appropriately, BAM –BAM was the sound that his bed made during his sack session with Etienne, and BAM-BAM went his heart, as his insides felt fit to burst. At some point, Mad felt the need to scream Vive La
Spontaneous combustion… bloody delicious!
This would explain the grin that Mad was wearing despite the dreary view before him, the rain was pounding away and yet he could still make out the sign of Romano’s. He was contemplating a quick trip over there when the sight of a person limping across the street; clutching a clear umbrella caught his attention. Mad didn’t have super zoom vision or anything, but even before he got a clear view of the person, he bolted right off to the elevator and down the steps.
Maddox rushed out of the revolving doors “Savvy darling! Run dear before you catch a cold!” he yelled at the approaching figure of his best friend. As Savvy neared the entrance, he thought to add “Where did you get the umbrella? Really dear it’s so Christina Aguilera circa 2000, how does that song go? I tuuuuuuuuuuurn to youuuu….”
Mad happily burst into song just as Sav folded her umbrella. He was about to tap Sav to join him, it an impulse that stopped in its tracks when he finally got a good look at her. Mad stifled a horrified gasp, Sav looked like a wet kitten, her hair was wet, her dress was wet and filthy, the heel of her left shoe was missing, which explains why she limped all the way to the entrance. One look at Sav’s Mascara –streaked face was enough to silence his singing…
If the word Beautiful Disaster were to be entered in the dictionary, right next to it, would be Savannah Red’s picture.
“Honey are you okay?” Mad cupped his best friend’s face in his hands.
Mad was freaking out, Savvy looked almost catatonic standing in front of him staring blankly at him.
“Oh my God Honey…” came his voice in a concerned squeak “What happened to you?”
Savvy wanted to tell him, she saw the crazed concerned look that he sported, but she just couldn’t say anything, so, she did the next best thing…
One hour and a hot bath later, Savannah was striped of her John Galliano dress (a remnant of her once
fabulously wealthy life) and was presently wearing pink Jucy Couture sweats, which Maddy owned (Sav never owned any clothes that came in hues of Pink, Pink, and more Pink, it triggered bad memories of her days of being a flower girl at too many weddings wherein she was always dressed in a cup-cakey dress of tool and lace that itched something fierce… and oh the pink horror!). Sav cringed when Mad handed her the clothes, but she was too exhausted to protest.
The events following her Father’s admission were quite hazy to her considering that she downed a couple of glasses of red wine to steady her nerves as the “Talk” stretched on for two excruciating hours of her Father giving a blow-by-blow of his “mistakes”. After the “Talk” everything was eerily silent until her sister burst into tears, the drama escalated when her Brother walked away in the same fashion as her Mother, which left Sav with her Father and
Uncle who wore twin expressions of guilt and shame. After spending another hour placating the pair that everything was going to cool off in the morning, Sav walked out of the restaurant and much like Forest Gump, she started to run (in four-inch Christian Louboutin shoes to boot) albeit, unlike Forest, her running did not last 3 years, 2 months, 14 days and 16 hours- more like 10 minutes.
She ran two blocks to Maddox’s apartment building. Along the way, her heel broke when it got stuck in one of the cracks of the sidewalk. 5 minutes into her run, thunder echoed and the first drops of rain fell on her until she was thoroughly soaked. It wasn’t until she was close to Maddox’s building that she ran into a pizza delivery guy who took pity on her and gave her his umbrella (a ride would have been better, but Sav took what he was willing to give).
“I still can’t believe he kept that from you…” Mad’s outraged voice intruded on her thoughts. “He hired people to do corporate espionage on Tuscan Foods?”
Prior to his Father’s lengthy confession about the loss of the Family business, Savvy and the rest of the family was lead to believe that the company was expanding due to a new venture with Vino Veritas (a rival brand that was constantly pitted against their Scarlet wine line). What Omarion failed to mention was that Scarlet was losing out on sales from rival companies who expanded their market for the sake of commercialism. While those companies came up with cheaper wines, Scarlet maintained its standing as the high class wine made for the upscale sect. Vino Veritas was the costly wine equal to Scarlet, their company Tuscan Foods, created super market friendly wine that came in boxes. Other than providing a cheaper way for Alcoholics to feed their vino addiction, it catered to a market of people who wanted to enjoy good wine without breaking the bank.
Long- story short, Omarion in a fit of what can only be described as sheer recklessness (unbeknownst to his Brother and the Board of Trustees) it could be a product of some sort of mid-life crisis, Sav had no idea how to call it. Her Father listened to some insane advice from one of his shady clients (who got out of major embezzlement charges). Shady client, knew people who knew some people, who could do a little tinkering for Omarion, a little corporate visit. O Red, thought what harm could it do to know a little bit about what was going on with the competition, he casually agreed with the idea, but did not commit to any immediate action. What he did not know what that his former client went ahead and hired people to do a little spying on the competition. Remember that little trip to
Sav did not know why Uncle Charles had to play the bad guy when their Dad narrated the fictional tale of their financial ruin. All the deceit was unnecessary; she and her siblings did not need to be kept in the dark, lord knows they were not children anymore. In retrospect, perhaps they (her Father and Uncle) felt the need to create the ruse because it was easier for them to be disappointed in their Uncle who was the reckless one, rather than face the fact that their Father, who was always the responsible one, could actually be capable of screwing up in a major way. There was a need to maintain that pristine image, that even their own Mother was dragged through the coals in protecting their Father, much to her sheer misery. In a way, this fiasco did break the rose-tinted glasses that seemed to tell them (the Red siblings) that their Father could do no wrong.
Savvy’s Father was facing major jail time, if their Pit bulls (their lawyers) didn’t pull magic out of their Armani suited behinds.
It was interesting how she managed to discuss this with Maddox considering that they were very much inebriated the whole time she shared the story. After her bath Savvy entered the living room to find Maddox standing with his hands behind his back. “Sit down love…”
“What are you up to Mad?” suspicion laced her tone when she asked this question.
“I know what will make you feel better” was Mad’s response.
Sav closed her eyes and sighed wearily, “Do you happen to have a magic dagger hidden behind you that will turn the sands of time, and erase this disaster?”
Mad chuckled, “Sadly, no. Man! Jake Gyllenhaal was super hot in that movie!” Sav rolled her eyes. “Digressing aside…” Mad spoke noticing Savvy’s petulant look, “I have something that is just as effective in inducing a little memory loss”
“I’m almost afraid to ask…” Sav sighed again, already regretting what ever mischief that Mad was cooking up. “All right… what is this magical something that will rid me of my evil memories?"
Mad grinned, then produced a pitcher of Margarita and a bottle of Tequila “Booze of course….”
Cue song: Patron Tequila (By: Paradiso Girls feat. Lil Jon)
I'm on Patron tequila, I'm drunk on margarita
That Patron tequila, me and my mamacita…
After receiving a couple of alarming and comical phone calls from his obviously smashed Girlfriend, Leeno Gray marched in to Maddox’s apartment and was greeted with a sight that would rival any Broadway performance.
Maddox Keynes who wore a Top hat, a red bow tie, and red shimmering boxer briefs was singing at the top of his lungs and dancing to Chicago’s “All that Jazz” while Savvy was right beside him, dressed in black tuxedo jacket minus the inner shirt and black lace panties (outfits were from Mad’s closet of costumes that he purloined from the movies that he participated in). The dynamic duo, hereafter known as the drunk duo, regaled Leeno with a medley of musical performances from RENT, Cats, Wicked (their version of Defying Gravity was quite comical considering how drunk they were), and presently Moulin Rouge. They were singing a revamped version of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”.
Mad, using the end of the Tequila bottle as a make-shift microphone, started singing.
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you…
Interestingly enough, Leeno expected that Mad would mimic Madonna’s teeny voice while singing this song; he was in for a surprise when it seemed that at the height of Maddy’s inebriation, his manly baritone boomed as he sang, which caused Leeno to choke on his laughter. Savvy sang the next verse, the microphone she used? Her ruined Christian Louboutin shoe.
I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new
For the chorus the duo sang together, danced and offered Leeno an interesting myriad of provocative poses.
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine…
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide….
He was about to stop Sav when Mad stood and continued his stripping routine.
Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me…
The duo, Sav topless and Mad, precariously on his way to shedding his boxers, were dancing provocatively. Leeno sat on the couch, tired from trying to tame the nudists had thought to give up and let the duo exhaust themselves, until, Mad grabbed Sav and sort of started kissing her.
“Whoa… whoa… there buddy” Leeno bolted from the couch, grabbed Mad, and hoisted him up his shoulder like a sack of rice. “Let’s get you to bed huh before you and Sav do something that would haunt me for all eternity” he chuckled. “For a guy who claims to be gay, you sure are quite the dude when you’re drunk...”
Mad giggled and slurred a protest (in his man voice), “Lay off maaan. I’ll pound you for touching me” giggle, he started slapping Leeno’s rear end. “Oooh nice muffins, can I bite them?”
Leeno rolled his eyes; Mad was wavering from dude to dudette. When he reached Maddy’s bedroom, he placed him on the bed and tucked him in.
“You sober up Princess Tequila… thank you for taking care of Sav, I think…”
Maddy laughed, closed his eyes and then whispered as Leeno was leaving the room, “Good night sweet butt cheeks…”
Maddy was snoring away when Leeno reached a dozing Sav on the floor.
“All right stripper-rella…” He grabbed a blanket and covered her, “Let’s get you home…” he then hoisted her in his arms and then carried her out to his car.
While our dynamic drunkards did wake up with twin royal headaches and zero recollection of their antics. Leeno was there to give them the dirty details when they had coffee the morning after their night of drunken debauchery. The tale of two singing nudists earned twin cringes followed by a wince from the DD after being appraised of their risqué behavior. The story of Mad’s macho alter ego earned a laugh from Sav, Mad blushed scarlet and vowed never to touch another bottle of alcohol (a vow that promptly expired on his Birthday, but that’s another tale.)
Maddox Keynes
Two weeks after…
Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
Did it ever get you far?
You never seem so tense, love
Never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Maddox Keynes was sitting outside a quaint Coffee shop called Java the Hut located at the Southern part of the City, Etienne was inside buying them some coffee. Mad was innocently posting a twitter picture of himself with the caption “Chilling at Java the Hut” when a very familiar voice intruded on his solitude.
“Madzy…”
Maddy’s insides went subzero as he directed his gaze at Miguel, his cheating Ex-Boyfriend; who was casually strolling towards him as if sunshine was flowing right out of his rear end.
“Hello Madzy” Miguel smiled and plopped himself on the chair across
Mad wanted to give him a good slapping, but suppressed the urge to do so. He managed to smile at Miguel as he said. “Greetings Miguel, since when did you get back from your trip?”
“Trip?” Miguel, echoed, looking confused. “I didn’t travel anywhere recently”
“Oh no?” Maddy pretended to pick lint off his sleeve, and then he shrugged. “You look rather tan to me. They say it’s pretty hot in the
“You being your normal man-whory self?
“Aww sweetie…” Maddy smiled as he patted Miguel’s cheek “Not even close….”
Mad was about to give Miguel a scathing set-down when Etienne came out of the Coffee shop clutching a tray with Blueberry muffins and their Coffee. He sported a quizzical look upon setting his eyes on Mad and the kneeling Miguel.
“Tinkerbelle?” Miguel looked to Mad, “Did he seriously call me Tinkerbelle?”
“Ex-Boyfriend…” Mad quickly added sensing that Etienne tensed when the word Boyfriend popped out.
In a cool dispassionate voice Etienne said, “Listen ere, Tinkerbelle, yu betah stop how yu say, messing with Maddox ere or I’m going tu make yur arm my personal wish bon…” When he said “bon” (bone) he tugged at Miguel’s arm, which sent a fresh howling out of Miguel’s mouth.
Mad smiled, “I think that would be my wish actually…”
“STOP!!!!” Miguel hollered. “Let me go…” he said in a defeated voice. Etienne promptly released him. “Good chois Miggy…off yu go zen eh? An don’t bozer Mad again…”
Miguel rubbed his arm and proceeded to walk away when Mad’s voice stopped him. “Oh Miguel”
To echo a trusty adage: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Ergo, when you have a family crisis and you recently dumped your cheating boyfriend, grab a trusty bottle of your favorite alcoholic drink and sing your sorrows away.
Men grow cold
Family dramas grow old,
And we all lose our minds in the end.
When times get tough,
Tequila is the DD’s best friend.
Next up, Birthday boy Maddox Keynes celebrates the day of his birth with wedding bells?
TTFN loves.
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