Playing A Game You Can't Win

Here's a rather thorny question that has plagued humanity for eons, or probably for one time in my life it happened to be extremely significant- and if it weren't for my crazy penchant for devouring novels by the dozens, the debate wouldn't have been roused from its slumber.... Ah... the age old question (in my mind or perhaps in the minds of other individuals as well):

If you had to make the choice, who would you choose to be with: The person who loves you, or the person that you love?

It does not seem like a paradox of sorts right? I mean, you can be with the the person who loves you, that same person could also be the one that you love....Ah... but not all of us are lucky enough to find ourselves in that rather “clutter free” situation. By “clutter free” I mean, you have all the elements working for you, 1+1= 2, simple as that. Boy meets Girl, they fall in love, end of story, but some stories are more elaborate. Like a web intricately spun by the fickle and rather quirky hands of fate. Allow me to elaborate before you develop frown lines on your immaculate foreheads for thinking too much.

How do I introduce this? Ah… Have you ever heard of the Tango? Of course you have, but do you know the story behind the dance? You see, the tango is a dance of the flesh. There are a lot of stylistic origins to the dance, but I like to give my own interpretation to it as a dance of great passion and love.You have two people pacing the dance floor emanating unbridled desire, wraped in a passionate embrace - eyes locked, dipping, stomping, touching, teasing… It is a dance of seduction, and in some ways, a dance of love. It is a romance story of sorts- about how the woman incites fire in a man, and how she is able to lure him, to compel him to posses her. The man is literally spellbound by the woman, and demonstrates his desire and power by how he holds her, showing her who has the control. The movements narrate their romance, the sheer emptiness of the release, then the pull of possession again. Both dancers and their movements demonstrate how love can be extremely intense, it is an illustration of the joining of two souls powered by an emotion that neither can control. It is seductive and quite dangerous. The occasional spectator of the dance would probably watch slack jawed in awed fascination…

They say it takes two to tango, correct? Well, how about we change up the rules… to make things a little interesting, a third dancer is thrown into the fray. Imagine what that would be like? Picture out the tango with three dancers, two men and one woman (or whatever). The woman, of course, is the object of the men’s desire, their love. Imagine two men clamoring to posses a woman whose mere presence burns their blood… She entices them, torments them, and they are left to battle it out on who gets to culminate the dance with her. Now, let us just say that the woman desires both men, but as mentioned, it takes only two people to tango… Only one man gets that chance, Isn’t that a rather tangled web?

Let’s say she has feelings for both, but she has to choose- which one then, the one she loves, or the one who loves her? They may both love her, but one may love her more, and she may love the both, but she may love one of them more…. Hurts your head right?

It calls to mind the saying “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

Where am I getting at with all this? Patience, I’m getting there. Have you seen the following movies: Superman Returns, The Notebook, & Enchanted? If you have, good. Question: What do the three movies have in common?, here’s an even better question: What is the recurring theme of the three movies that was never brought up?

Answer: Unrequited love. James Marsden’s character getting screwed, always playing second fiddle to the other guy, always second best. James Marden’s character never gets the girl.

Confused? Allow me to ellucidate.

In Superman Returns, James Marsden plays Richard White. Richard is engaged to Lois Lane (take note: she was Supe’s love). Super Man gets all hurt about this, and assumes that Lois had moved on since his absence.

Cue scene:

Lois Lane: Richard's a good man... and you've been gone a long time.
Superman: I read the article, Lois.
Lois Lane: Yeah, so did a lot of people. Tomorrow night, they're giving me the Pulitzer...
Superman: Why did you write it?
Lois Lane: How could you leave us like that? I moved on. So did the rest of us. That's why I wrote it. The world doesn't need a savior. And neither do I.

Richard White: Were you in love with him?
Lois Lane: He's Superman. Everyone was in love with him.
Richard White: But were you?
Lois Lane: [pause] ... No.

Minus all the details, we all knew that Lois was soo not over Super Man, and yes, despite the rather bitter article that she wrote about the world not needing him (which is just a projection of her own hurt feelings and resentment for his abrupt departure), deep inside she was still very much in love with him (yes, she was in denial, thinking she was happy with Richard). She chose the man who loved her, but still craved the man that she loved….I think it’s appropriate to say, poor James Marsden.

In The Notebook, James Marsden plays Lon Hammon Jr. In this film he is also, uhemmm… engaged to Allie Hamilton(Rachel McAdam’s character). They meet after Allie’s meddling and deprecatory mother separates her from the love of her life, Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling’s character). Allie who suffered from a tremendous heartbreak thinking that Noah didn’t care about her anymore, allowed herself to move on.

Allie: When I'm with Noah I feel like one person and when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different.
Lon: Allie, it's normal not to forget your first love but I want you for myself. I don't want to convince my fiancée that she should be with me.
Allie: You don't have to. I already know I should be with you.

But then, a quirk of fate happens and she sees Noah again…

Allie: Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.
Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.
Allie: You wrote me?
Noah: Yes... it wasn't over, it still isn't over

Surprise, surprise, well, we all knew what happened didn’t we? Allie ends up with Noah… Again, poor James Marsden.



Last. In Enchanted, James plays Prince Edward, a ditzy Prince who falls in love-at-first-sight with a quixotic girl named Giselle. They were supposed to get married a day after they claped eyes on each other, but his Step Mother, Queen Narissa, had to push Giselle into a well sending her to New York where she meets McDreamy…errr… Robert Philip, a misanthropic divorcee who in the long run ends up falling in love with our stary eyed damsel… Poor James Marsden, but to his character’s credit, he did get to marry someone else in the end, but the point is, he didn’t end up with the girl he originally wanted.




So what’s my point? Sometimes it hurts to be the odd one out, the one in love with the person who will never be able to reciprocate the sentiment fully. It hurts to watch them with the one that they love, it hurts to know that you weren’t the one that they chose. It hurts to fight for someone who never even gave an iota of thought of how it must feel to fight even when you know you’re not going to win.

Here’s the meat of it all…



I’m talking about the bittersweet tale of the Werewolf (Jacob Black) who fell in love with a girl (Isabella Swan) who is in love with a Vampire (Edward Cullen).

Note: if you have read the Twilight saga, feel free to carry on, but if you haven’t gotten around to cracking those books open, I suggest you don’t read any further- seriously, I will be spilling details that will spoil the tale. However, if you are curious enough to continue (I’m talking to the one’s who haven’t read the books), don’t say I didn’t warn you.
As I read the tale, my heart writhed with pain, bleeding for the Jacob who was obviously in love with Bella (uhemmm… I was in that same situation before, not fun).

Both men, Edward and Jacob, loved Bella, and she needed them both in her life, but the question was: Who did she love with all her heart? The man who loved her, or the man that she loved?

See, we’re back to the paradox, the thing is, the choice was hers….

If I were Bella who would I choose?

In one corner, you have Jacob Black. Sweet, with a sarcastic sense of humor, easy going - the charming rebel, who has the whole down-to-Earth appeal going for him. In the other corner, you have Edward Cullen, handsome, mysterious, intelligent- who screams Prince Charming / Knight in Shining Armor. In my opinion, he is every girl’s dream- unselfish, a proper gentleman, loving – a true protector.

"For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours... all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything because you weren't alive yet"

~Edward Cullen~

And did I fail to mention that he is extremely eloquent as well? Alright, it seems the odds are tipped in Edward’s favor for me, I’m a little biased I suppose, since he reminds me of a certain someone in my life who is in one way or another my very own Edward Cullen (lucky me). However, I do feel for Jacob…. I really do.

"He's like a drug for you Bella" Jacob Black said, "I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug. I would have been the air, the sun..."

I was once in Jacob’s predicament before, and that’s what compelled me to discuss this. Unrequited love is perhaps the most excruciating thing to experience in the world.

I ached for Jacob, the boy who nursed Bella through her dark moments when the love of her life (Edward) broke her heart by leaving her. Jacob, the boy who made her smile, who breathed life back into her when it seemed like the pain of the heartbreak was going to leave her in a catatonic state. The same boy who helplessly stood back as Edward returned, who bore weeks of separation from her in silence, knowing very well that she spent them with Edward, the boy she loved.

I screamed in frustration as Jacob told Bella how much he loved her, as he explained that although he knew that she was in love with Edward, he also knew that she wanted him in her life as well. I felt his pain as he told her he needed to say the words out loud so there wouldn’t be a lost chance, just in case things ever changed between her and Edward, she would know that he was waiting for her- that he loved her. I gritted my teeth as he declared that he was going to fight for her, even if it was a lost cause. You see, Jacob Black is Bella’s best friend. She tells him everything, and in turn he does the same. When Edward left, Jacob was the one who made Bella happy, and in those moments that he spent with her, when she was in pain; haunted by memories of Edward, Jacob felt the innate sense to protect her, to care for her, and well, to love her. Bella knew all too well that Jacob had feelings for her, and subtly made it known to him that she will never feel the same. Jacob accepted that fact good naturedly knowing it was better being her best friend. He was smart enough to accept that it was better to have that role in her life than nothing at all, but still, he held on to the hope that she might choose him….



Watching her with Edward didn’t make it easier, hearing her tell him for the billionth time that she loved him, but she was in love with Edward did not lessen the blow. The moments he had with Bella were never enough, they were ephemeral, stolen, it never belonged to him, she didn’t belong to him- You can’t lose what you never had. You see, Jacob’s fate bears a perverse similarity to the characters that James Marden plays, he may get the girl for a while, but he is never truly mean to end up with her…

You're so beautiful
And when I'm near you i can't breathe

A girl like you gets what she wants
When she wants it
You're so out of my league
I show you no emotion
Don't let you see what you're doin' to me
I Imagine the two of us together
But I've been livin' in reality

Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
But time is running out
So damn my foolish pride!

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you

Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye
You can't lose what you never had

Rules Are made for breakin'
Nothing' ventured nothin' gained
I'll be no worse off than i am right now
And i might never get the chance again

Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I didn't want you but i lied…

It only takes two to tango, sadly, the odd man, or woman out of the lover’s dance must watch in the sidelines, with the pain of unrequited love, and the sting of rejection coursing through their veins. I suppose that’s the risk with have to take in the game of love, we go into it uncertain if the odds are in our favor. We place bets, never knowing if we will end up lucky. We give all we have, not knowing that we will lose it all, or gain more than our wager’s worth… In the game of love, there are winners, the one’s who win the prize of the person whom they will love with all their heart, who will also love them in return. Tragically, there are also the losers, who give everything they’ve got, who risk everything, only to end up with nothing, or worse, they watch somebody else take home the prize…