Ah... Love, four letters, one word, a thousand meanings.
Love is the topic that has plagued me since my youth (mind you, I am still young. "In my youth" just has a nice ring to it) i.e. when I was about 10 years old.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
George Bernard Shaw
Let me tell you the story..
The first time I ever entertained the idea of "Love"
was when I was 10 years old and I convinced myself that I was "in love" with this boy who saved me from bullies. It was juvenile of me to believe that he was the "love
of my life", but since I was a very, very, VERY quixotic girl, enchanted by the idea of
fairytale romances- the fact that I was the "damsel in distress" (D.I.D) at that time and that I was saved by this would-be "Prince Charming" definitely made me allow myself to accept that "this was it" he's my one true love. (Ick! just typing that made me cringe.).
Now in fairytale stories, the girl who gets saved usually ends up with the guy who did the saving (Proper terms: Damsel in Distress weds Prince Charming). However, this is the real world ladies and gents (do I really have to say it?) I DID NOT end up with him.
Here's the sordid tale in a nutshell. Prince Charming who was 12 at the time, was not rendered speechless or mesmerized by my "beauty" again, I was 10 and hella dark to boot (on account of genetics and trips to the beach- he wasn't much of a looker either hmph!). Alas! I was a very homely looking kid (late bloomer, according to my Mother) and we all know Prince Charming deserves blindingly beautiful women (Princesses or DID's). Therefore, I was on the bottom of his "to notice and adore" list.
It was very disheartening indeed, but I was still "in love" with him. I even did something rather dumb akin to stalking, to get him to notice me, I perjured my identity in order to exchange ephemeral moments of texting with him (as somebody else: family members who are aware of this story, feel free to laugh at my folly). I did all that and yet, nothing happened. Let me remind you that I was 10 years old again so that this next statement won't make you roll your eyes in disgust: He... uhem... broke my heart.
Fast-forward 6 years later (I convinced myself that I was "over him" over with the childish puppy love I developed), by some rather perverse quirk of fate we saw each other again. I expected him to ignore me or run away, since for him, I was like one of the 10 plagues sent by God to punish mankind- again, I expected him to steer clear of me (which was the norm whenever our paths crossed before), he didn't do that though, what did surprised me.
He looked at me, as in REALLY looked at me as if seeing me for the first time (At 16 years old, I think I looked pretty normal and not so dark anymore- sorry, I'm not vain and I really don't adore my visage. So I can't say that I'm a total knockout in the looks department- though I'm welcome to any helpful comments from the audience).
As the night progressed it seemed my status rose from "invisible and not worthy of adoration" climbed up to "second best on the list".
Don't do a double take on that statement, you read that right. By "Second-best" I mean, he finally noticed me, but he was otherwise engaged in a relationship with someone else. OUCH! I crashed and burned that day.
Needless to say, I gave up on him, I realized that waiting for him to get his act together would send me into a snore for 100 years. Also, I realized that waiting for him was like staring at a star in the heavens, willing it to fall and finally make my wish come true (Ick! sounds really pathetic, but I had to say it).
That wasn't love! It was: With the help of merriam-webster I was able to discover what it was that ailed me all those years...
INFATUATION:
2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
I don't know who said this: "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find Prince Charming..."Well, I was not looking for Prince Charming, but I did meet a lot of frogs anyway, and I only kissed one of them (to my everlasting shame). At that time I was 17, and well, somehow I became horribly disenchanted by the idea of love (thanks to the frogs) compounded by the fact that I was related to shameless fornicators and cheaters who connoisseurs in the art of breaking hearts. Watching them in their natural environment akin to Brady Barr marveling at Crocs, I came to the conclusion that some men (specifically the men in my family: dad and brother excluded) were insecure individuals who fed off women to boost their horribly depleting egos. They don't concern themselves with the feelings of their significant others (wives or girlfriends) or the repercussions of their acts. One uncle once said in earnest, that he was, and I quote: "Just having some fun."
I was appalled, and it breaks my heart to see their significant others live their lives oblivious to their husband / boyfriend's treachery. Some of them even turn a blind eye, unconsciously condoning the behavior, which galls me. Being the silent witness to all that made me fear the idea of falling in love with somebody who would treat me the same way and turn me into a miserable shrew of a girlfriend / wife.
God / Fate has a way of changing things, just when you thought you had it all figured out. Just when I decided to give up, just when I decided to built this impenetrable wall of ice to safeguard me from bachelors dandies, drinkers of brandies as well as Eager young lads, rogues and cads... (quoted from the Sound of Music). I met...
Prince Charming? NO
A Knight in Shinning Armor? NO
Some suave Casanova? NO
In the real world setting, I met a regular guy... who in a not so regular way, adores me.
So what happens after Happily Ever After? As Carrie Bradshaw (in Sex in the City put it) we all want to know that happens when we have found love.
To explain that, I'm going to channel a few experts (I'm not sure if they are experts, but they have given their two cents on the subject of love)
According to:
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not."
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen."
Tom Robbins
"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
Javan
"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion."
Reflect on those quotes while go back to the talk of Prince Charming.
Somehow every girl is silently searching for Prince Charming (come on, you have to admit it that we all do). Now, we can't blame Disney for fueling our fairytale dreams or our Mothers who read the stories to us about dashing and charming young men. It's just a right of passage I suppose, being totally infatuated with this "Perfect" male specimen cut out from the pages of a story book.
Every girl silently dreams of the day that they would possess this paragon- but in the contract God gave us the moment we popped out of our Mothers (yes, there is a contract) we sign it the moment we take in our first breath and cry... Anyway, the mistake people make in signing a contract is that they always forget to read the fine print. Here's the part that all of us seem to neglect to bear in mind.
Love Section of Contract
> The bearer of this contract is entitled to find love. Love, is one of the benefits offered by the company (Heaven).
Sounds pretty clear cut right? We're born (skip a few stages of growth) we go into relationships a.k.a love. BUT what we forget to read is:
1. This contract does not cover insurance policies for bearers who incur the following during their search for love.
- broken hearts
- accidental offsprings (Must secure a marriage License)
- physical and emotional scars
- financial problems
and so on
The bearer of this contract is entitled to the following:
- as many "loves" as he/she can find
- make lots of love as long as it is not in any violation of company policies. (Out of wedlock "Love Making" is frowned upon)
- Keep as many products created from that love i.e. children (See offspring section of Contact).
- Live his/her life in total bliss with the one they love. (See Couple's Counseling for assistance if this statement does not apply)
- Keep the one they love (only for a predetermined period of time)
* If bearer has any complaints about benefits offered, report to your nearest church and state your case to the President: God. For less grave complaints, refer your case to your Parish Priests for added assistance.
Furthermore, the company (Heaven) reserves the right to repossess said benefit/s at any time. i.e. when Life Balance of your "love" has expired.
I am not mocking God or the Catholic faith okay?
The point here, people is... When we do find love, there is no iron-clad assurance that we get to keep it.
People break up, let us operationally define this:
You Break Up with someone when the following situations apply:
1. You changed and "grew apart"
2. Partner was unfaithful (unless you try to work it out, of course)
3. Realization strikes that the two of you just won't work i.e. an amicable or mutual decision to split.
4. Partner is a bum, jerk, (this five letter word rhymes with WITCH), (this word refers to a donkey), psychopath, despot, and etc. i.e. not good for your psychological well being.
Take Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, they were in love and happy for a while, then it ended (rumors say it was Angelina's fault) and if it was... then that just affirms the fact that love great loves do have to end whether it died of natural causes or because of predators.
Another thing, some loves, even great ones are taken away...
When my Grandfather died, I can't really describe what happened to my Grandmother (I don't know if what they had was considered a great love) but somehow she was never the same. It is a poignant thing to watch someone go on without the one they love by their side.
The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
So here's the awful truth. Love is Complicated, a great deal of people long to find it, and when when they do find it, they expect that it will always be peaches and cream. Not really, truth be told, it doesn't make us feel happy all the time, it can hurt and be frustrating as hell. Some people don't want to find love to eschew the pain. BUT to avoid love would deprive you of the privilege of feeling true happiness. To be worthy of possessing it, you have to be brave enough to withstand the pain, because if you receive it freely sans any adversity, then anybody can just possess it and take it for granted.
Just a little food for thought people.
I know this is a loooooooooooong rant, but hey, someone out there may read this and have an epiphany.
As for me, I've discovered the secret to lasting love... According to James A. Baldwin: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is about growing up."
Whoever said that the love story ends at "Happily Ever After" did not experience love at all.
Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.
Leo Buscaglia
After all, for love to last, it has to be made into a new love story everyday...
The Beatles
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
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